Bitburger Köstritzer Schwarzbier

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Bitburger Köstritzer Schwarzbier
Bitburger Brauerei
Bitburg/Eifel, Germany


"Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'Sir,' said I, 'or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more."

Edgar Allan Poe, "The Raven"

And so there is darkness here and not much more. A swig of malt, a stick of figgy fruit, a swath of sweetness and darkness and nothing more. The darkness isn't even complete and more a watery cherry black than a coffee black tar. The plainest black I've tried to date by the self-proclaimed best kept secret of micros in Deutschland. Go here if you want a deep-hued brown but not if you want something stouty and self-assured and proud. This is a weakling in the world of darks.

-Wörtwurst

Summit Oktoberfest Marzen

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Summit Oktoberfest Marzen
Summit Brewing Co.
St. Paul, MN

Marzen style eh? This autumn moon-induced gassy grassy doldrum of the style fits in the blech half of unsweetened bready okts. I think what makes the marzens different from regular ambers is the sweetness that my favorites have. Some folks don't agree but I have to ask them what's really the difference between this and the Hofbrau and a normal amber besides the malt? So maybe it is the maltiness and sweetness but I waggle my tongue for the sweet bread ones. You may not agree.

-Wörtwurst

New old beer glass

It's been a lucky month for thrift store beer glass finds. $2 for the Strohs 28 oz. I also found a King Brewery and Budweiser with clydesdales glass for 49c each. I found the 28oz listed on eBay for $10(see pirated picture above). Go get it and pretend that you're me.

Avery Karma Ale

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Avery Karma Ale
Avery Brewing Co.
Boulder, CO

After turning down an offer to go to a bachelor party with inhouse strippers (I've never been to a strip club and never want to. Yes, I'm a Puritan at heart.) in favor of a booksale this weekend, I turned to fixing my cold. Seeing as the Dark Horse Black Bier and assorted medicines didn't cure me I moved on to this beer. This is from a mixed six pack I bought about a month ago along with a few others and put off drinking the lighter beers in favor of the darks as per usual. I expected this to be another hyped up bitter and bland ale but it's pretty damn fruity and not so bad to touch tongues with. In the same vein as a Bell's Two Hearted Ale (fishbine) but without the extreme bitterness and is also rather dry. Those factors knock this down a few notches from the fruity enjoyment of a Vuuve or Jolly Pumpkin brew but overall it's pretty drinkable and not raunchy like I would expect from a table dancing coochie mama drinking Old Milwaukee after slathering herself over a frothing crowd of inebriated manbride rabble rousers.

-Wörtwurst

Apparently comments aren't coming through. In lieu of site problems please send your comments along with your favorite six pack of microbrews to my home address. :)

Dark Horse Special Reserve Black Bier Ale

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Dark Horse Special Reserve Black Bier Ale
Dark Horse Brewing Co.
Marshall, MI

Nursing a slight but nagging one day cold I figured what would wash down my vitamins better than a dark brew. The first time I had this I was underwhelmed and the rich stoutiness seemed watered down in the aftertaste. But on second try it did what I expect from a black beer: roasts, toasts, chocolatafies, cofferates and embalms me with a murky tranquility. It might just be that I haven't drunk much of late and it only seems strong in comparison to diet rootbeer and cola. Oh well...3.15635425252 truncheons to the head worth of goodness from this side of the law-abiding world.

-Wörtwurst

Sierra Nevada Stout

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Sierra Nevada Stout
Sierra Nevada Brewing Co.
Chico, CA

I see it written often in blogs and piped out over talk-show radio that conscientious people everywhere want a living will so that they don't persist indefinitely in a vegatative state. I, however, am against this belief for my personal legacy. I want to be kept alive incurring cost, pain and time with an I. V. of porter or stout semi-numbing any perceived suffering. Imagine the constant bliss of this froth of smoky cocoa forming the dream bubble above your head. If I have to die then embalm me with this dirigible filled with mud and when I awake on the other side I'll be wide awake with coffee wings and halo.

-Wörtwurst

Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald Stout

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Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald Stout
Great Lakes Brewing Co.
Cleveland, OH

I'm embarrassed to admit that even though I am no further than 30-45 minutes away from a Great Lake (Erie) I haven't been to one in at least five years. More embarrassing is that the last time I was at Lake Erie (app. 6 years ago) it was as dirty looking as this porter. But it didn't quite taste this good. An upper tier tar drink with the standard smoke and stouty characteristics and no gale warnings or threats of sinking.

-Wörtwurst

Champagne, bad beer and good baseball.

Stoudt's Oktoberfest

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Stoudt's Oktoberfest
Stoudt's Brewing Co.
Adamstown, PA

Over-malty infarction #6. I think it is paramount that any malty brew should equally distribute a balancing force. In general I prefer it to be sweetness for the lighter color beers especially Ok(c)toberfests. This, along with Hofbrau Okt offers nothing that any other mid-range amber does minus the festive gimmick of name and banner adorning the package. Boo hiss boo hiss to you pusillanimous one.

-Wörtwurst

Dark Horse Raspberry Ale

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Dark Horse Raspberry Ale
Dark Horse Brewing Co.
Marshall, MI



-Wörtwurst

Samuel Smith Taddy Porter

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Samuel Smith Taddy Porter
Samuel Smith Old Brewery
England

Uh liddle bit o' de ol' bittuhs eh misteh? Otherwise a typical soy brown with nutty imprints and lesser quantities of chocoffee. I wouldn't quite call it a porter as it has brown ale qualities (similar to how Dogfish Indian Brown Ale has stout features) but with the transient nature of imports and a transparent bottle who knows how light struck it might be statewide. But it's pretty good nonetheless. As far as British imports go: a distant something and something place behind that unflappable chameleon and television doctor Hugh Laurie.

-Wörtwurst

Bell's Cherry Ale

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Bell's Cherry Ale
Bell's Brewing Co.
Kalamazoo, MI

So starts the post mortem activity of posting with no more camera although I have a dozen or two reviews and pictures in the bank for later use. My point: no point except that I like posting more with pictures than not. Oh well, all artistes must suffer!

This is the Bell's Cherry Stout put through a wringer and absolved of its toasty darkness. Tart still but with a blonde body there is no extreme chemical reaction within the taste buds that simulates a frenetic feeling of love. But tart enough to make you melancholy for the stout and almost make a grown man cry a little because it is so expensive and he(I) is(am) a poorhouse resident. Not bad on its own though and likely the best of its kind because of that shocking streak of cherry lightning pulsing against your tongue.

-Wörtwurst

Big Hole Mythical White Grand Cru

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Big Hole Mythical White Grand Cru
Big Hole Brewing Co.
Belgrade, MT



The hell you say?!?! This one poured a pillow stuffed full of white foam with a quarter-sized freckle of spices that stuck to one side of the mug so that I had to turn it about to face my cow-tongue at point-blank range. Black flecks twirled and floated to the bottom in a blizzard of carbonation. The spices kind of overrode everything but not to its total detriment. The first time I had this I thought it was very special, the second time not so special and the third time so-so, so I'll give it a medium high grade for a spiced yeasty white. Unique but that uniqueness slowly evaporates.

-Wörtwurst

Abita Turbo Dog

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Abita Turbo Dog
Abita Brewing Co.
Abita Springs, LA

What gives? Not the slightest taste of dog in this brew. But for comparison sake there's a lot of chocolate lab in here with the stature of a great dane packed into a bulldog's stodgy frame. Medium coffee-toffee-caramel roastiness which is pretty nice in a brown ale and not all that unusual just not to this extent. Some maltese as well but you'll find no spots on this dark breed. Get a muzzle or you'll drink until you die with this drinkable mutt in your possession.

-Wörtwurst

Arcadia London Porter

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Arcadia London Porter
Arcadia Brewing Co.
Battle Creek, MI



A deep-throated blues crawler, this one has the flavor of ten thousand year old wood-smoke and troglodytes running about a pit keeping a mammoth inside the fire ring as it burns and screams in agony all for their pleasure. Masculine as Neptune with a sea trident to bring or keep back the tide. I can't think of a darker chocoffeesmoke beer other than an imperial stout which is this strong, creamy, meaty and good. Alas, Beefcake, we've found our man.

-Wörtwurst

Theakston Old Peculier

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Theakston Old Peculier
T & R Theakston Ltd.
England

There's not much that is peculiar about this one. A bit malty and bock-like for such a dark looker but nothing that unique that sets it apart from other mid-range brews or allows for its grand sobriquet. Set aside your pretzels because there's enough bready taste enmeshed in here to make a beer suds sandwich between your tongue and the roof of your mouth. You provide the sharp cheddar garçon.

-Wörtwurst

Jolly Pumpkin Biere De Mars

  
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Jolly Pumpkin Biere De Mars
Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales
Dexter, MI

Since my first sips of a Jolly Pumpkin brew at their brewery and later at a hillbilly campsite I've always thought, "If only there wasn't this damnation to spice-rackian purgatory I would like this beer so much more." As I've drunk more of their offerings and tasted many different craft brews I've come to appreciate and enjoy the extra zest as the unique qualifier which make JP the best brewery hither and thither. So comes this concoction and my opinion has come full circum: NOT ENOUGH SPICE! Mildly spicy with a sour ball plunked into the pituitary. Maybe it's just more the sourness than the lack of spice as there is a whirling of firey tendrils in the glass after every drink. Anyhow, a very well-balanced and excellent drink when I'd rather it be over-the-top.

-Wörtwurst

Bert Grant's Imperial Stout

  
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Bert Grant's Imperial Stout
Yakima Brewing Co.
Yakima, WA

Hi, my name is Wörtwurst and I'm a microbrewholic. I, like our colonial forefathers(HA!), believe that beer is food. John Adams at times imbibed in a pint of cider before breakfast. Ben Franklin noted that as a printer one of his esteemed colleagues had a pint of beer for breakfast and several times daily as did many office workers and laborers of that era. Bert Grant, however, believed that stout is gravy. Coffee over black molasses pinched with honey. Syrup on a fillet of smoked choco. Not quite as intoxicating and fatal as Rasputin but it does its voodoo on you and you fully understand that you are amongst other spirits in the ethereal darkness.

-Wörtwurst

NINE G Blacksnake Porter

  
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NINE G Blacksnake Porter
NINE G Brewing Company
South Bend, IN

A very hearty porter with a war-like label and rightfully so because it packs a punch. More like a small invasion really, this is an extreme roasted chocolate coffee blend which rivals New Holland's The Poet for taste/body density and coma potentiality but doesn't quite put off the deathward stare of an imperial stout. There seems to be little hops added to this unguent of dark malts and I think it's a good thing as the smidge it does have gives it a minor zing in the details, any more would have been tragic. Drink up little Oppenheimers of the world.

-Wörtwurst

Dark Horse Sapient Trip Ale

  
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Dark Horse Sapient Trip Ale
Dark Horse Brewing Company
Marshall, MI

Barlafumble! This acopon is acclumsid enough to cause a reelpot to break one's Steven. Givel and glop some bellytimber lest ye quop and paggle. Five eggs to you fleaks and fizgigs! I am merely a erendrake here to fage thy farnets. Hadavist a kidliwink and a kill-priest were so enjoyable I'd not been a kexy and mulwined meself more often. Merry-go-down! Don't misgloze thee it's a slibber-sauce to lovedrury while snapsaucing. Uh huh.

-Wörtwurst

King Fest Bier

  
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King Fest Bier
King Brewing Company
Pontiac, MI

I won't soon complain about low carbonation in a King brew again. This one exploded all over my desk and onto my shorts and flowed throughout the house burning holes in the walls and killed the dog and then filled the streets past the storm drains and all the earth was consumed in fest foam. I'm assuming this is an Octoberfest by the name but it is an odd one with a heavy cinnamon brillo lacing and malty facade that melds into a lighter hoppy caramel maltiness. I don't mind this at all. Reminiscent of a winter warmer but without the drag-down Christmas spicing, frigidness and expectations. King is a consistent little brewery that comes through 3 out of 4 times and must be serious about their craft because their website has been down for half a year+ and running.

-Wörtwurst

Bell's Cherry Stout

  
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Bell's Cherry Stout
Bell's Brewing Co.
Kalamazoo, MI

There are two distinct forces working here: sour and smoke. Miraculously they each perform their solo duties on the ends-- smoke first, sour sour cherry last-- and in the middle they converge for what can only be described as an orgasm of tart interspecies lust. I'm not sure if the cherry tang is so sour on its own or if it's because it follows the chocofee smoke and thus only seems twice its veracious nature. But it is SOUR. Overbearing sour and yet I really like it a lot. Mostly because it tastes like nothing else but also because it is a change-up from the normal stout goodness with a BIG surprise burped in.

-Wörtwurst.

Schell Zommerfest

  
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Schell Zommerfest
August Schell Brewing Co.
New Ulm, MN

My great anticipation for this excellently named beer stopped at the massive malt barrier reef which encompasses most of the taste. In fact it's like pushing the dough-boys stomach in with your tongue trying to get through the not so sour doughiness. As for it being a summery beer, it mostly fails. It's not very crisp or refreshing. It rather feels like a humid July day where it's overcast and threatens to bring relief and the clouds build but the rains never come. Znot zvery zgood.

-Wörtwurst.

Bell's Special Double Cream Stout

  
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Bell's Special Double Cream Stout
Bell's Brewery
Kalamazoo, MI

A good stout slows down time. A great stout slows down time immeasurably so that you sit and stare mindfully off into the void for a long minute after the first gulp and take in what it has to offer. Kinda like watching a Regina Spektor video through your taste buds. After that it's sipping time and for me eating time so that I don't become tipsy or nod off for ten minutes and drown in the tub. Yeah, so there is lots of toastiness in this one along with the other general stout traits but for a citrusy bite in the dregs. A nice start to a weekend of sampling Bell's stouts.

-Wörtwurst.

Saxer Bock

  
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Saxer Bock
Saxer Brewing Company
Lake Oswego, OR

Well well well...it tastes like every other bock I've had. Maybe there isn't much variance in the style or there is some German purity law at work here but I can't tell the difference between this or the Samuel Adams Bock or the Lakefront Bock. BeerAdvocate takes guesses at its origins and so will I: there was once a happy little goat man named Pan in Mythologia. His pan flute playing was so exquisite that he had to frequently fight off groupies. Seeing as he was half-goat and half-man his urges to love the festering slut following and to hurt them were equal. After several ugly episodes of maiming and love-making gone wrong his therapist suggested a simple practice of patience. "Just say, 'baaaaack oooofff c****nty kleptomaniacs'" and from this acronym came the Bockheimer Flute-Pan Approach. As for the beer...it ain't baaaaaaaaad.

-Wörtwurst

Bell's Rye Stout

  
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Bell's Rye Stout
Bell's Brewery
Kalamazoo, MI

I don't mean to demean old Rye here because he is packed in an awful prettty wrapper that looks like artwork from one of the great master painter's works but he is pretty ho-hum as far as Bell's and other stouts go. A nice rich and muddy flavor that does nothing to separate itself from the standard quality stout. Don't get me wrong, I like it like it, I just don't LOVE it like it. So let's just be friends Rye. No no you can't touch my bulging biceps or my washboard stomach Rye. No Rye we can't have a sleepover. Rye don't make me call the beer police. RYEEEEE!

-Wörtwurst

Oktoberfest at the Detroit Zoo

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I thought this was pretty interesting. I just may have to stop by and get eaten by a lion while drunk on zoo beer.

Samuel Adams Double Bock

  
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Samuel Adams Double Bock
Boston Brewing Co.
Boston, MA

There's Johann Sebastian Bach, his son Johann Christian Bach, Sebastian Bach, Catherine Bach, Jim Backus and Bacchus the mythological god of wine, but bock, the beer which has come to be associated with the goat, what is it? Got me. If you want beer expertise ask Charlie Papazian or Michael Jackson, I'm just a beer raconteur. Every double bock I've had has had the distinct taste of cooled wort. The liquid caramel malt extract taste from a can with light seltzering hop and carbonation and cold water added. Not great but not bad at all. Actually better than good but not too good. Just ginchy.

-Wörtwurst

King Whistle Stop Mocha Java Stout

  

King Whistle Stop Mocha Java Stout
King Brewing Company
Pontiac, MI

From the looks of the bottle and the scant information I've gathered from a website, I believe that this was brewed and bottled by King for Greenfield Village* which is part of the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, MI. Regardless, this is a fine stout with a big coffee flavor and body. But unlike the Bell's Java Stout there is also a roasty cocoa blend that makes this one drink very evenly. Unfortunately there was only one bottle left at the store and no signs of others. Maybe I'll have to finally go to Greenfield Village* and track some down.

*It is a long-standing ritual for school kids of Detroit and the metropolitan area to go there on field trips and dress up in early 1900s garb for the day and carry a coffee can lunch pail around with them and learn about Henry Ford, the automobile and life during his time. Too bad I refused to wear the clothes and carry the pail (likewise for Halloween costumes; I actually skipped school in kindergarten and hid behind a neighborhood friend's house to avoid being the devil) and thus I stayed home when my turn came to go.

Wörtwurst

Bell's Java Stout

  

Bell's Java Stout
Bell's Brewery
Kalamazoo, MI

I am not a fan of coffee and have only drunk about 5 or 6 cups my entire life. It's not that I don't like it mixed with milk and sugar but my reasoning is why drink something if you have to dilute it and change its whole nature(of course this doesn't apply to beer!!!). I'd much rather just drink a Pepsi (well now a Diet Pepsi). I don't mind it at as an additive or flavoring and thus my like for it in beer. This however is too much. Usually with coffee stouts there is a balance with chocolate and/or smokiness but this is overpowering smoky coffee to the extreme. Not a bad flavor at all just too much of it. Kind of like knocking knickers with a Starbucks expresso machine. Now that you've knocked it up you have to take care of your little java tar baby for the next 18 years. All right that's a bit dramatic...the next 18 seconds. ; )

Wörtwurst

Rogue Mocha Porter

  

Rogue Mocha Porter
Rogue Ales Brewery
Newport, OR

With one of the best names for a brewery and some folk art stamped on their bottles you'd think the beer would mirror the container it comes in but not with this one. It is weak in all three categories: as a porter, as a chocolate beer and equally lacking as a coffee beer. Though the first sip (and the sediment of the last gulp) was strong, once my taste buds got acclimated to it it tasted watered down. Not that the flavoring of each wasn't a nice rich dollop from the bucket, it just wasn't nearly strong enough for my liking. Use a little less crayons on the bottling and add some malt and hops you cheap bastards.

Wörtwurst

Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale

  

Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale
Dogfish Head Craft Brewery
Milton, DE



I've always been put off by the Dogfish Head labels. They look a bit cutesy and for some inane reason this has stopped me from purchasing their products. But I'm glad that I finally did. This is one of the more well-balanced hopped (of which I'm not a very big fan of) and malted (though the bottle says carmelized it tastes malty) beers that I've had. A little smoky, a little brown, a little hoppy, and a little stouty ale-ish with big flavor and a breathy alcohol finish. The first sip was especially smokey and chocolatey but after that I was gulping it down like a pirannha eating this meaty cocoa ale though it became a little watered down from the original coma of hearty stoutness. Maybe it was the BASS mug fighting the DOGFISH HEAD for supremacy. AH AHAHAHA. Whatever, fool. Definitely the best brown I've had. I'm HOOKED.

Wörtwurst

North Coast Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout

  

North Coast Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout
North Coast Brewing Co.
Fort Bragg, CA

Just as Pluto is no longer recognized as a planet sometime in the not too distant future macro brews will not be considered the KING OF BEERS but rather dwarves in an ever growing universe. Then the true forebearers and rightful heirs of the past (stouts, porters, ales, etc.) will once again become the standard bearers. With this brew that future is already here. This heady stout has a potent sludge of choc-smoke-offee and is more like a dreamquest than a heavy beverage. Smoke is rising through the fog laden hills and the old spirits are churning skyward to meet the Gods in the newly refined air.

I may have met my match here though as I dozed off for a few minutes in the tub clutching my notepad! If Breckenridge Vanilla Stout is the high watermark then this is me undertow and drowning. The Beer Cave of American brews (so far!)!!!

Wörtwurst