Spotted Cow Ale

Spotted Cow Ale
New Glarus Brewing Co.
New Glarus, Wisconsin

A lot of you creeps have a friend in the furniture business and/or as well as in Jesus but not many of you have a fur-faced grizzled old prick of a pal living in the northerly climes of Milwaukee. Beardsley Rummel the Younger, a transplanted lower mitten heathen living in the Yooper Annex of farm girls and barn-yarn breathed scallywags brought me a six pack of this whisker licker on his sojourn home. Of course it sat in his car trunk like a frozen tuney-feesh sammich through thaw and thermal weather but the yeasty and herbal essence seem quite intact. "The little lady drinks this stuff" he tells me, "so I'm sure it's decent." So sayeth the fool in love! How can you trust a man with a mustache I think to myself and then proceed to tip this bronze brew down my gullet shirking off all questions of metaphysics and feta misfits. Here's what we've got folks: a full melon of hair sans back lettuce, trifling malt, a sucker's succor of sucrose, blond trellis, fruity ganglia, cream cheese garflingus and one squeeze of a teet at Christmas just in time for the fat man who cometh in red down the stony pipe. It's May twenty-tooth in the year of our Ox(cow) and I am the starched mascot for all of you cougar-chasers of the world. Drink up Pepe and bring your better cheddar because this fat bastard is having seconds.

-Wörtwurst