I've Got an All-Seeing Eye For ALEuminati

Aleuminati dot com that is. A kinda new [not so] secret society of better beer drinkers. You can blog about beer there, try to pick up other dude's chicks and post drunken pictures of yourself, your beer, your women and your drinking haunts. If nothing else it's good exposure for your blog if you're in need of more hits or viewers. I joined and so should you. Plus it'll make the Beer Philosopher feel like he is Plato or something. Do it...make the guy's night.

Deschutes Hop Trip Pale Ale

Deschutes Hop Trip Pale Ale
Deschutes Brewery
Bend, Oregon


I am cleaning out the old forgotten bottles of beer that I have left over from my blogging heyday. This is another trade from Jay at HBJ from approximately TWO YEARS AGO! Shame shame shame on me. Anyhow, after these are gone I will start anew. Since I can't really afford to buy the craft brands without guilt for my debts owed, I will simply buy one mixed six pack per month and do a review every 5 days or so. Nobody can call me negligent on either blogging or finance after that! I'll just have to cut out a couple fast food meals and all will be in check and balance with the fiduciary world. On to the beer...

Mmmm...another high carbonation and yeasty bongwater. And just like in your marijuana youth there is detritus suspended in the murky waters of the body making for a good tongue fishing expedition but not much rational thought. Not as brusk upon the senses as most hop-induced chemo brews and certainly in-line with the traditional pale ale. The old truck bringing in the fresh hops to the awaiting maltster adds a nice pictorial history of the process but doesn't send me over to the dark side of bitter worship. I will capitulate enough though to admit that this is a pretty good drink for its type.


- Wörtwurst

Uncommon Brewers' Siamese Twin Ale

Uncommon Brewers' Siamese Twin Ale
Uncommon Brewers
Santa Cruz, California


I have to be honest here...I don't often look up a brewer after drinking a beer unless it's really exceptional and this stuff is. To boot it's a Belgian Double in a can! Imagine the audacity of that! Blasphemy some might say. That is... until they poured out this bleeding fragrant and flagrant treat into their supping glass and discovered a real wonder. Of course I should have read the can to see that a pint glass wasn't quite the proper glassware for what I thought was a pale ale but that's me in a nutshell, people: sloppy and ignorant. Anyway, this reminds me a lot of my favorite brewer Jolly Pumpkin in many regards of quality, feel and taste, but just a little less carbonated. The yeoman yeast makes up for that though and this creamy and nicely spiced brew goes a long way towards impressing both the slovenly and the enlightened. What would impress me more is a free care package via the US mail system featuring anything these guys could pump into a vessel. Thanks to Jay over at HBJ for this beauty.

- Wörtwurst

Deschutes Hop Henge Imperial IPA

Deschutes Hop Henge Imperial IPA
Deschutes Brewery
Bend, Oregon


I'm not sure where I got this beer from -- most likely in a trade with Jay at the Hedonist Beer Jive a couple years ago (embarrassingly enough) -- but it's been sitting in the bottom of the fridge for about two years. I don't like IPAs so it's no wonder that an imperial ipa should sit longer than normal. It doesn't appear to have affected this one much though. Nope, still tastes like skunk blood cereal! Actually, it's not so bad for an IIPA. A bit underwhelming actually and a lot more balanced than other Impy IPAs and even some broad shouldered IPAs that I've tried for that matter. There's also almost an element of sweetness that isn't quite the normal citrus notes one expects from the hops portion of the brew but more so in the malt. The yeasty chunks only embellish this unexpected tang amidst the bitter herbs. I keep my diet orange pop by my side to use as a chaser which only confirms my girly nature.

- Wörtwurst

Moylan's Kilt Lifter Scotch Ale

Moylan's Kilt Lifter Scotch Ale
Moylan's Brewing Co. via Sudwerk Privatbrauerei Hubsch
Davis, California


Moylan's call this a BIG beer but I don't really see it. I mean, it's largesse is in flavor and quality but I wouldn't call it outlandish whatsoever. It's what a beer should be and most are not. Unlike those hopped up monstrosities, this one brings the goods and sets them on your platter without whistles, bells or streamers. That's a good thing. It's like choosing a Maserati over a muscle car. You still get the extremes but without the mullet and wife-beater. A damn fine donation from the Hedonist Beer Jive for my worthy exchange.

- Wörtwurst

Mad River Steelhead Scotch Style Porter

Mad River Steelhead Scotch Style Porter
Mad River Brewing Co.
Blue Lake, California


Man is this stuff filthy! Unidentified detritus was falling off from the cap when I pried open the bottle (so much so that I thought a piece of my tooth had broken off somehow in the transport of liquid to glass); chunks of debris are sloshing hither and thither in the dark morass of the tumbler; and the beer itself is river-bottom muddy brown-black with an aquatic foam filled with living organisms. I can see why there's a fish on the bottle because you're doing some dirty water trowling with this porter. Soul-warming smokiness and a creaminess begetting a lactoid's wet-dream. If you curl your tongue enough after the taste subsides you can even feel the lather of the alcohol scrub brush bringing suds to your tastebuds. Pop in a soft, tart, fruity sweetness and you almost have enough here to make love to the bottle, though I highly advise against it, muchacho. But man... this is a great porter! Let me call you Mr. Stouty if I may, sire.

- Wörtwurst

Farsons Lacto Milk Stout

Farsons Lacto Milk Stout
Simonds Farsons Cisk Plc.
Malta

On Beer Assholevocate people seem a little predisposed towards the "CARAMEL COLOR ADDED" part of this beer and not so much on the maltese falcon aspect. Granted, I don't know the plot of that said book and couldn't put a pin on Malta in a map of the world even if I were forced to, but I can definitely put one over on a bunch of dreg drinkers like you. The other thing that sticks out like a sore phlange on this bottle is the 18 pic capitalization of LACTO on the stamp. This sounds like a digestive issue waiting to happen doesn't it? Just you shut your mouth, naysayer! Milk stouts are a bizarre creature. Sure, you expect the creaminess but how about some smokey and fruity malt with yeasty tendrils? That you didn't bargain for did you bojangles? No, you did not. Well, if this is milk then it's 1/2% (as it's quite light for a stout) and may just contain the blood, pus and steroids that animal rights activists have warned you about for years in concern to your moo juice. The problem here is that this tastes like a wino's version of a dark chocolate covered rum cherry, if it were liquified. If nothing else, at least one of your bodily holes will go to sleep with a smile and not a pucker.

- Wörtwurst

Firestone Walker Pale 31 California Pale Ale

Firestone Walker Pale 31
Firestone Walker Brewing Co.
Paso Robles, California


Whereas Budweiser is the "King of Beers", I hereby pronounce this stately brew the "Son of a Bitch of Beers". Not for it's patently regal label, nor for its impeccably rigid pale ale standards, but rather because it blew a geyser upon opening to which I suckled its teet to subside its angry receptance towards my anti-hop league harangues. Listen, because I'm telling you that we'll go back on the gold standard before I become a hop-head. As it stands now I'll also marry off my blonde daughter to the first civilised sasquatch before my lips touch a hoppy drink with affection. This doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the sentiment of the Hedonist Beer Jive five-for-five annual beer trade-off, it just means that I am a coddler of more silky sweet liquid confections and not a prickly imbiber of skunky potions. If you've had a finely crafted pale ale then you know the rest of the equation without having to hear my biased opining.

- Wörtwurst

Southern Tier Old Man Winter Ale

Southern Tier Old Man Winter Ale
Southern Tier Brewing Co.
Lakewood, New York

Oh what a night, huh? I'm going to follow this one up with a Firestone Walker Cali Pale Ale and that's just going to make it one mildly hoppy night. Which is fine if you're hoppily inclined as I am not. Watch the video and about 14 seconds in my malfunctioning camera will demonstrate how the hops make-a-me feel. Trippy, that's how. Like I'm experiencing something that I shouldn't be. That's not to say that this isn't a pretty good beer because it is, I was just hoping for something kind of robust and stick to the ribs thick like butter barrel chocolate or gingerbread men on Viagra. It was not to be so, friends. This is just another beer to me with an herbal nucleaus. A pale ale with snow flakes. Yippee. Build me a hop igloo and seal me in and maybe 50 ice ages from now I will come to accept them as a man manages his mortality through its difficult stages. As for right now, I am tethered to my fate as a beer "pussy"!

- Wörtwurst

Have Beer, Will Travel

I just won't be taking it with me! No sir, despite the fine package of brews that Jay at the Hedonist Beer Jive sent to me via trade (please no trade requests at this time due to poorness), I won't be partaking in them this weekend. Well, maybe Sunday! I have toddler duties and can't be slowed down even a micro-second or the little thing will be halfway across wherever it is we go. Talk about the beer, mush-mouth. Yes sir.

Well, I'm very excited about this can of Siamese Twin Ale despite the fat apoplectic orange bursting forth on the face of it. It looks mysteriously yuppy-ish but also intriguingly good like a soda pop sipping iced tea of sorts from some organic farm in Oregon. The others are names I know and recognize and so that should be the expectant quality fare. The only disappointment is that UPS allowed these bottles to get so damned cold that the Blind Pig has a slushy iceberg near the neck. I'm sure that won't ruin the beer but undoubtedly it will affect the chemistry somewhat. How much remains to be seen. Thanks Jayman.

Blog Roll

Hey, for any of you who used to be on my blogroll and were unceremoniously erased by accident when I fried the template out, just ask and I will add you back. A few of you I recall but more than not I have forgotten the whos and whats of the operation. Just drop me a line and you'll be added back on. Notice the nifty new blogroll features of a snippet of the latest posting, an icon and all the necessary teasers.

Atwater Winter Bock

Atwater Winter Bock
Atwater Block Brewery
Detroit, Michigan


Frothy the snow beer! As the video testifies to and the picture failed to show: this one is effervescent if nothing else (Surprisingly enough it comes across a little bit flat despite the billowing beard of foam.). Luckily, it is quite something else. Malty sweet as your daddy ought to be but a bit darker than those deep doldrummy nights in the mitten state (notice the picture of the hand portraying Michigan...har har har). This is the second in my Christmas miscellaneous 6 and it works well on a moonless February evening. Listen, I happen to like the winter and a little nip on the nose and frost on my fingertips isn't going to change that. Add a nip of innocuous hops, some slightly smokey choco malt and the sweetness of the brew will envelope your gut like a glove. If only it were like a girdle and could exercise me like Richard Simmons. Like like like, I say. Yes I do.

- Wörtwurst