Ghettoblaster

Ghettoblaster
Motor City Brewing Works
Detroit, Michigan

I usually put off trying beer from Detroit simply because most people in Detroit either love everything coming out of the city or equally hate everything. So you can never know if something is truly good or bad from a local standpoint. Plus, remember, many people swear by Bud, Miller and other assorted macros as the be-all end-all in beer so we all know that niggaz is cwazeee. But seeing as I generally am insousiant to most aspects of life and beer I open up the armor occasionally and let some local grain juice into my steaming gullet. Well...this stuff is pretty good! I mean, I don't know that I've ever had a beer which is self-classified as English Style Mild Ale but this is a pretty good example of it. Light hops, a solid wheat and malt backbone with hints of nutty, caramelly goodness. I'm not sure why MCBW decided to call it Ghettoblaster when Hugh Grant's Frothy Whore was still available on the trademark tote board.

-Wörtwurst

Horny Goat Exposed Farmhouse Ale

Horny Goat Exposed Farmhouse Ale
Horny Goat Brewing Co.
Steven Point, Wisconsin

I don't drink often and especially not the few days leading up to my weekends with my baby girl. I also find that I am unable to come down from the weekend high of this special little person so much so that beer doesn't even plink the stream of my consciousness and I rarely have the urge to taste and blog about it. I would show you a picture of my clone but what kind of cretin puts his baby on a beer blog?!?! Not that I want to segue from her to horny goats but that's what we have here in a bottle. Supposedly this horndog is exposed and furthermore it's a farmhouse ale! Haha. Sure it is. I was so convinced that this beer wasn't a true saison/farmerhouser that I poured it right into a pint glass and prepared myself to drink a pale ale. Well, that's what it is. Nothing of the complex yeast, candied sugar sweetness or slight sting of herbal hops as you might expect from the style. If this is a farmhouse ale then Bam Biere by Jolly Pumpkin is the tears of the Gods. Bam is great but it's not that great. This Goat Beer doesn't even approach very good.

-Wörtwurst

Dogfish Head Festina Peche

Dogfish Head Festina Peche
Dogfish Head Craft Brewery
Milton, Delaware

Hey, I'm all about breaking the mold and venturing off into weird and crazy tangents. For instance, I believe the rumor that Barbara Bush is indeed the daughter of Aleister Crowley. Which isn't an odd postulate considering that the powers that be are all shape-shifting reptilian white martians. What I can't get into is ridiculousness. Which quite frankly this beer is. I mean, I like it well enough, but it's a malt punch. Sour, peachy and flat as formica. Tasty, sure. But where others see a perfect accompaniment with grilled chicken or feta (who are these fop reviewers on BA?) and the perfect sipper on a hot summer day, I find it closer related to a misfiring date rape potion than a fine malt beverage.

-Wörtwurst

Bell's Sparkling Ale

Bell's Sparkling Ale
Bell's Brewery
Kalamazoo, Michigan

If you like the ideal of Bell's Oberon but not the spermatozoic hop stunterosis (despite the yeast fish food parade dancing inside the fluid [see picture]) within that said beer then you may prefer this one. The connotations of sparkling anything within the alcoholic oeuvre usually brings a pucker to the collective lips and brains of the partaker. This is coming from the idiot who didn't read the bottle and is only finding out now that this is a tripel! Haha. Ah- well. I did think that it tasted a bit Belgian (in my PINT GLASS) but attributed that to it being on the discount shelf. Well then...it's sweet in a biting citrus way though not in a pungent cum swapping potentate smash your head open with a rock if you don't listen to the beer intelligentsia manner. There's also the obligatory bread but a moist yeasty bread which is almost cake for your wide open and accepting tongue, teeth and uvula. Chew on the chunkiness and thank Gawd that you're writing about a beer and not a woman.

-Wörtwurst

Cleveland Bar Celebrates 35th Anniversary of Ten Cent Beer Night with Ten Cent Beer

by Vince Grzegorek

35 years ago today, on June 4, 1974, one of the most infamous events in sports history occurred at Cleveland Municipal Stadium when the Indians held ten cent beer night, and predictably, all hell occurred.

Today, Now That's Class (11213 Detroit Ave.), will be celebrating the 35th anniversary of the infamous drunken evening with a ten cent beer night of its own. Stroh's draft only, which is fine, because Stroh's rocks. Free show at 9 p.m. There's no way this ends badly. There's no way this ends in any similar fashion to the evening of June 4, 1974. Right?

(Also not officially on tap, but sure to be seen: Free views of drunken panhandlers taking advantage of the deal; Free views of vomit spewed far and wide from the bathrooms to the sidewalk; Free bloody foreheads; Not free protection from the police.)

Arcadia Imperial Stout

Arcadia Imperial Stout
Arcadia Brewing Co.
Battle Creek, Michigan

Hi, I don't care about this review so I'm going to wing it with even less forethought than normal. Remember back in the day when you were congested and mom would put you at the sink with a towel covering your head and the hot water on low so as to create steam and loosen up your blockage? Yes, and then she'd rub some Vick's on your chest and you'd feel like all of the clogged membranes were opening up as if a spring thaw had struck the perma-frosted dried up and caked phlegm in your nasal cavities. This is like that but on your throat and lungs. A spray can of dark whip cream lit with a blow torch until your marshmallow tongue is slightly charred but not burnt to a crisp. Suck on a cold raisin, frisbee boy, and call in the dogs early because after a few of these you're going to bump into everything including your shadow while shuffling through the tight confines of your dark ass kаза́ки́ living room, Sergei. Chtob vse byli zdorovy!

-Wörtwurst