A Roughneck's Take On Beer

Samuel Adams Red Ale

2011-11-01T01:38:00.002-04:00

Samuel Adams Red Ale
The Boston Beer Company
Boston, MA

Well, this time my gastrinomical preamble is boiled chicken and a cheese stick so is it any wonder why I am the bathrobe sheba of the pregger's pause and you are the Barbara Streisand of für real? Awwww... hell. I've been put off by red ale for awhile now because of their persnickety blandness. I say that because breweries keep pumping these red fuckers out with no soul and instead of us treating them like the Devil, thy hoi polloi embraces them as if they were Sandy Clawz the wintry magician.

Most Reds are worse than Commies and I'll be gawd-damned if the vast majority of deer-brinkers and coam-futters aren't repudiated minute men of the simple servile labor force of the indistinct anyway. Listen, I ain't the king of Peru and if I'm inclined to shift something it's more likely to be the golden egg in the Mrs. Grass soup carton than it is the magic bullion of AU. I'll tell you what anyway... bah- a sermon is the second-from-last thing on my addled mind, next to your soul and my desire for clarity. I actually liked this beer more than getting my redwings and I ain't talking hockey, bub.

Bonfire Rauchbier

2011-11-01T01:11:00.004-04:00

Bonfire Rauchbier
The Boston Beer Company
Boston, MA

Hello, puffers. It's been a while but I splurged a little from my routine of asceticism to bring you several more pointless reviews. They are made more irrelevant by the fact that I will be pontificating on three mainstays of the mainstream craft beer ejaculatory movement that most of the beer intelligentsia has already decreed "non Pliny the Elder and hence SHIIIIT!". Such is my vainglorious plot.

I'm probably poisoning my critique by devouring a bag of Better Made Red Hot Cheese popcorn before imbibing but the world turns for less rational reasons than some fat fuck with a double chin and a triple pack of firewater tripping on beer etiquette.

Here's the story: Rauchbier sounds raunchy to me. Like phlegm in your throat that coughs up hairy-snouted and bloody ectoplasm. Or like a good-whiskered woman with a crotch full of disease. To some of you that is boon worthy of your peckerdilly cravings. To me it shouted, "Watch out fucklips.' I tell you this isn't as stanky as it was in that motel in Nashtucky after visiting my butterfly fairy princess clone who makes the stars stream in the sky for my middle years testosterone-eroding sentimentality. I hated it then and am more fond of it now.

There's a raspy spectre of cinnamon, spice-like, caramel infusion in the body of it which is untempered by the over-maltiness. Whatever malt they used has some milky foliage to speak of. Some kind of a lactose nipple in the sky feeding off dirty space junk. Or akin to a Dirty Bastard but with lighter pollution. A scotch with wood smoke. All right, this is evolving into Robert Burnsesque poetry and before I start speaking of me luve I will bow out, hackneyed, defeated and ready for the second round of my grain water surfeit.

Yazoo Hefeweizen

2011-09-27T00:42:00.003-04:00

Yazoo Hefeweizen

Yazoo Brewing Co.

Nashville, Tennessee

My mama went to the "Zoo" and all I got was this golden nectar of wheaty sassafras. I didn't take notes when I drank it a month or two ago because what kind of prick takes notes while he's drinking a beer unless he's working the horses or selling off his hoes on a Saturday night buffet special. Seeing as I'm hardly a man and the above is not applicable to me or my kind let's spin a yarn. What I do recall is that it was pointedly refreshing and that the zinging, zestful wheat stung me like the good fortune of finding an old penny in the ground with my snatchmo metal detector, which has since bitten the cobwebbed dust of extinction, does when it do what it do. As for how deep is my love let me just rejoice in the fact that my penor is thicker than the plug hole of that harlot bottle neck or I would have flung it in and made carnal fireworks of an otherwise oral delicacy.

-Wörtwurst

Shiner Oktoberfest

2011-09-27T00:25:00.003-04:00

Shiner Oktoberfest
Spoetzl Brewery
Shiner, Texas

Wow it's been a while, eh? It's not that I haven't had a beer or three whilst away teetotaling the proverbial long journey into night and never more but I haven't tried anything new to write about in that duration. Thus, it's with regret that I begin the adventure back homeward with this milquetoast dank-water. Not that it doesn't have its merits as an entry level seasonal ale with an affable drinkability but other beers of its ilk could easily fill its spot in your bland and boozy heart and you'd never miss it.

What it is: low-level hoppage pilfered into a malt-kin supreme with waving strands of svelte taffeta caramel. No soul really but that's a given in this day and age. As a beer it's quiffingly quaffable but as an upper tier oktoberfest it's a mortal failure.

-Wörtwurst

Yazoo Rye Saison

2011-06-27T03:46:00.001-04:00

Yazoo Rye Saison

Yazoo Brewing Co.

Nashville, Tennessee

I read a pithy lamentation somewhere on the internet about how all Saisons probably are made in a warehouse in Fort Smith, Arkansas and then distributed to any interested brewer with their own personal packaging attached to it. After having a handful or so I couldn't really disagree with that sentiment.

There is a tasty candy sugar tartness to them with a slight tack of the hard stuff twisted from the hop flower intended to stimulate the tongue to a mellow bliss and it's quite favorable to say the least. I could drink a 6 of these easily if they didn't come in a 4 pack and I was splitting them with my mammo jammo while slumming it at the Motel 6 in Goodlettsville.

-Wörtwurst

Lord Chesterfield Ale

2011-05-30T03:24:00.003-04:00

Lord Chesterfield Ale
Yuengling & Son Brewery
Pottsvile, Pennsylvania

I'd always see this beer in the cooler in Nashville and think of the Bukowski poem which mentions the great Lord of the pooped wig:

I pulled out my last 20 and with an old man's
virile abandon ordered
4 drinks.

both girls smiled and pulled their dresses
higher, if possible.

who's your friend? they asked.

this is Lord Chesterfield, I told
them.

pleased to meetcha, they
said.

hello, bitches, he answered.

And that's what I say to you tonight friends: hello bitches. While poetry and beer are mainly effeminate crafts these days the power and majesty of each will not be lost on its critics or contemporaries. While Bukowski was a not very good poet he was certainly a great one because of what he did to the craft: destroyed it by opening it to every idiot who wants to write, drink and be a scalawag in the process. Well allow this idiot a few words about beer, specifically this one: a macro ale amalgamation with a tipped over hopbucket. Pale as piss and on par with an astringent that neither knocks back your appetite or quells your thirst. Yuengling makes a few mid-grade winners but this isn't one of them. Drinkable but not very thirst quenching.

-Wörtwurst

Yuengling Bock Beer

2011-05-25T02:08:00.002-04:00

Yuengling Bock Beer
Yuengling & Sin Brwery
Pottsvile, Pennsylvania

I'm drinking this straight out of the bottle because tonight I am a beer N*****. If I had a hairy goatee I might even imbibe right from the trough with my disgusting hairy snout like Billy on the label is doing. He seems kind of angry though and more in tune with a Heineken drinker tasting an Imperial Stout for the first time and saying, "Blech, gravy!" That it isn't. A sweet root grain with both honey, nut, musky oat feelers and more complexity than an internet trollop but not more than your mama who you wouldn't expose you as such anyway because that's just plain old downright cruel and evil.

-Wörtwurst

Old Style

2011-05-25T00:59:00.002-04:00

Old Style Lager
G. Heilman Brewery.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Just like with war all cultural battles are won by those with the most pocket change to throw about frivolously on non-essentials. Well, as far as adult beverages go the idiot followers of the craft beer movement have plundered and pillaged the ranks until only their kind can be called king. So you get $25 bombers full of hops, sugar plums and the pipe dream tapioca of every idiot's medulla oblongata gone to mush put inside a bottle and sold to the highest bidder.

I won't lie and say that this is a better beer than a Trois Pistoles but I will say that if you drink a sixer of this stuff as opposed to a non-stop torrent of craft fare just so that you can write a blog you are truly a buffoon. If you go to a christening of a beer and pay money to get into an establishment and eat a leg o' lamb alongside a beer made by a guy with a soul patch who slaps a fancy label on his hobby gone viral then you might just be a buffoon as well.

Seriously, get a grip. Drink a fucking beer, jot down your thoughts and then go on with your life. Hell, if you told me that you were performing sexual acrobatics with a growler on two strippers then I might think you are some kind of world beater but I've seen the likes of you people and most of you are, more or less, glorified alcoholics with no pause button in reach of your proclivities. It's just a beer and this one will not make your pecker bigger or your tongue stand in salute but it will quench your thirst and fill your toilet with a straw colored rainbow just like any other glow in the dark secret special recipe from the Gods of nectar. Drink up and STFU.

-Wörtwurst

Pabst Blue Ribbon: The True Champagne of Beer!

2011-03-10T13:15:00.001-05:00

(read more)

Wizard Barley Wine Ale

2011-03-01T23:56:00.000-05:00

Wizard Barley Wine Ale
Short's Brewing Co.
Elk Rapids, Michigan

With the occult folk art symbolism on this bottle and the stated brewing time being 6 hours and 66 minutes it would make sense that it was produced for Halloween or Harvest time but I'm too lazy to Google the facts and we'll just go with that because it sounds better than saying "Short's employees are a bunch of Satanists". If they are I'm about to join their cult because they are slowly becoming my favorite brewer and since the local beer stores seem to prominently display their singles on the shelf I am all in with their innovative style whereas I probably wouldn't be if forced into buying a sixer.

This is an odd Barley Wine only in the fact that while the alcohol content seems to be elevated, as is the norm, the bold alcohol taste is well masked in the raisiny essence of this very full-bodied brew. With any great beer the flavors come in waves and this one sends a tsunami of alcohol spray which is quickly chased by the dark fruit and raisin flavors which segue into a dry and mitigating hop affect that evolves back into a combination of the three. Add in notes of sweet toasty maltiness and this may be the perfect Barley Wine. The fact that it's been aged probably only heightens these qualities.

-Wörtwurst

Shiner Holiday Cheer

2011-02-15T03:23:00.000-05:00

Shiner Holiday Cheer
Spoetzl Brewery
Shiner, Texas

For me, Shiner has been very hit or miss. While they have some good entry level craft beers just as many are macro-esque and quite cheap tasting. Not as cheap as some of your women but we aren't here to discuss your foibles but rather my fur ball preferences.

The fact that this beer is a peachy/pecan concoction totally caught me off-guard as I expected more of a cinnamon spice type of deal for a holiday spirit but I am not disappointed. There is also a nice hop coating and dark caramel malt infusion on the fruit/nut combo but the total combination does come across as tasting a little like frosting on something akin to a Miller High Life. I should mention also that I'm not complaining about it at all. Good stuff.

-Wörtwurst

Autumn Ale ESB

2011-02-08T02:20:00.001-05:00

Autumn Ale ESB
Short's Brewing Co.
Elk Rapids, Michigan

It makes sense that a bargain hunter such as myself would be drinking this beer out of season simply to get more beer for the buck. Hell, I'd even buy them opened if it could be re-carbonated without losing its original flavor and body in the process. Since it can't be done I'll keep buying singles on the relative cheap over the inflated cost of a 6 pack that I would only drink just to consume. If only I could find a bum with a penchant for the sublime in both beer, sentiment and egalitarian brotherhood then perhaps I could have a blogging and drinking partner.

Beer blogging is a little bit more than a public forum for me, it's actually a bit of a reflex action. I've always typed since I can remember getting a typewriter when I was 4 or 5 years old. It would interest me enough for hours on end that I would produce a newspaper mainly of sports scores which my mammy and paps would pretend to read to mollify me. When I didn't have a typewriter I wrote in notebooks. Always writing away like a possessed imbecile.

It came as an odd revelation to me when I started hearing that many authors wrote with an audience in mind. To me that's like being married and we all know how successful that sort of relationship is. Anyhow, to save you the boredom of a poetic credo I came to understand that people do enjoy being told what they already know. Which is why I just usually say whatever comes to mind and half the time don't even know what the fark I'm talking about.

Now that my emo moment has passed I will tell you about the suds. The annexing of the Extra Special Bitter monogram into an autumnal ale both physically and textually causes quite a stirring in my cranium. Mainly because it's troublesome to separate, examine and dissect the expectant parts and thus I won't. It starts out surprisingly sour like something you'd expect from the Jolly Pumpkin line of ales and then morphs into many parts goodness. The main corpus is a thick hop zing that tingles your tongue like a happy herpes sore and languidly evolves into a dark malt and dull powdered chocolate affect. Not in a bad way at all because it lingers there like hot chocolate does after you've long finished it off and puts you into a sort of coma of self-indulgent relaxation. While there's some toastiness on the periphery it comes across more as a remnant of some burnt chocolate pudding crust and makes you go "nom nom nom" before you fall flat on your face into the couch cushions and die slow and happily only to be resurrected a few hours later.

-Wörtwurst

Santa's Private Reserve

2011-02-04T01:23:00.001-05:00

Santa's Private Reserve
Oregon Brewing Co.
Newport, Oregon

I was going to go into the 567,000th rendition of this is Christmas in "pick a month" but knew that all of you would shake a mean stick at my person and chastise me for being Mr. Dick Pickle. I'm not he, folks. Who I am is Dick Stickler and what I can say about this seasonal grog is that it was $1 and came highly recommended by the George Washington in my monkey paw. Add in the reputation of the Rogue ales family and you have a perfect Xmas surprise that has come better late than never, right? Wrong. It's funny how often "never" has rolled around on to my old sour silly ass and caused discombobulation from the expectation of exasperation only to blah blah blah. And "Cry me to sleep babby-boo" sings the chorus.

Listen, inside is juniper and the crotch berries of Scrooge McClampett, brother-in-law to Jed and Jethro and all of them haw-hee'rs and genuine beer pricks. While there is a ray of light in this mostly bitter backwash the toasty sweetness and rind o'lemon are not enough to account for the fact that an IPA has been packaged once more as a gift from the fat jolly old elf himself. I only have one thing to ask of him, "Why bother putting coal in the stocking when you can just piss in the poor bastard's mouth instead?"

-Wörtwurst

Horn Dog Barley Wine Style Ale

2011-02-01T19:49:00.001-05:00

Horn Dog Barley Wine Style Ale
Flying Dog Brewery
Frederick, Maryland

The Hunter S. Thompson-esque labels on this and other Flying Dog beers do nothing for me just like the writer himself did nothing for my brine-washed soul. However this small 7 ounce bottle packs quite a wallop. Perfect for a blizzard in Detroit since we don't get them that often though people probably think that they are common here. Maybe up north we do but I'm not Jerry Hodak and you don't give a flying frog noodle about northerly climes.

The signature of all barley wines is the heavy alcohol content and you feel it from start to finish in this menthol-y framed ale. It's also shrouded in a terse bitter pang of hop infusion that is hardly omnipresent but makes its presence known and won't be denied its humper dog namesake. The malting is generous and the licorice and chocolate notes make you realize that this isn't just any typical cracker brew but a multi-dimensional melting pot of styles and graces.

-Wörtwurst

1554 Enlightened Black Ale

2011-01-12T00:22:00.000-05:00

1554 Enlightened Black Ale
New Belgium Brewing Co.
Fort Collins, Colorado

Once a month my mammy travels to Nashville with me to see my little girl and most times she buys a six pack after we drop the little clone off. This is a great thing, right? I also have to pick it out which is great as well, right? Yeah, well you've probably never had a Polish mother who expects that no matter what you buy it's going to be the best beer in the world. Luckily Kroger has a fairly well-stocked craft beer section and I've done pretty good picking out Yuengling Black and Tan, Fat Tire Amber Ale and this one as well. When I cracked this one open and started drinking it she said, "Well?" And I retorted, "This is one of the best beers I've ever had." To which she replied, "Don't be a drama queen. You don't have to kiss ass because I paid for it." Yeah, yeah. No shitting you, this is a great black ale, people. Now trying a second bottle it has lost a little of its luster but there is a solid chocolate backbone to the thing and sweet bready malt which seemed to have an estery sourness in the first go around but comes across rather dry and grain-enhanced in this bottle. While the taste is inconsistent from bottle to bottle the quality isn't and I could easily drink a few of these in succession but for the fact that I am already too fat and thus will stop at one for the day.

-Wörtwurst

Über Goober Imperial Oatmeal Stout

2011-01-07T03:22:00.001-05:00

Über Goober Imperial Oatmeal Stout
Short's Brewing Co.
Elk Rapids, Michigan

Unlike the PB & J Ale from these guys there is no mistaking that this nutter beer is a stout. While the peanuts are masked in the sweetness of the oatmeal stout cherry essence that some oaties have, it doesn't go unnoticed and comes across much like its predecessor with a dry, brusk and oily nuttiness. While that might sound like a dried up nutsack or its equivalent it's really not off-putting at all and adds to the multi-layers of taste. All the dark chocoffee stout flavors are in there along with a slight sourness that goes along with my calling it a cherry tasting oatmeal stout. And it is.

-Wörtwurst

Peanut Butter & Jelly Ale

2010-12-26T05:36:00.000-05:00

Peanut Butter & Jelly Ale
Short's Brewing Co.
Elk Rapids, Michigan

Beer drinking can get a little boring at times when imbibing in the same styles over and over so it's nice when a brewery has some initiative to be innovative. Short's Brewing Co. is quickly becoming a favorite of mine because they keep reinventing flavors faster than Baskin Robbins used to. I passed up several other major craft beer singles in favor of this brew and another one by Short's based simply upon the uniqueness of each.

The bottle states that this is a peanut butter stout and a fruit rye ale. Although the peanut butter part is subtle it is there in the aftertaste in a faint, dry nutty residue. The jelly part is mostly a sour affect which is a nice touch but not very convincing as jelly per se though as the tartness subsides there is a lingering sweetness that gives off a wine-like essence.The closest comparison I can make to this beer would be Dark Horse's Tres Blueberry Stout but on a much smaller scale because that beer is a world beater whereas this is a very solid fruit stout.

-Wörtwurst

Badass Redneck Lager

2010-12-24T20:56:00.002-05:00

Badass Redneck Lager
Michigan Brewing Company
Webberville, Michigan

Kid Rock has publicly stated that this beer is not for drinkers of premium craft brews, that it won't meet their criteria and is for people like him who prefer to drink easy guzzlers. That much it is. It is also so sickly pale colored that it looks like hard water from the country. It does however have a pleasant taste if not a drinkable one but it's so thin that it's almost a beer flavored water. Luckily it has been tweaked with a mellow citrus hop that gives it a lemon water quality as well while still retaining a lite beer taste to it. While it lives up to its easy drinking hype it fails short of what you'd expect a redneck to drink and settles more into the categorie of something a chick on a diet would imbibe.

- Wörtwurst

Left Hand Brewing Co. Milk Stout

2010-12-22T00:57:00.001-05:00

Milk Stout
Left Hand Brewing Co.
Longmont, Colorado

That's right, put your hands all over this dreamy sow-ser and hold on because you're going over the moon, to the distant stars and then landing back in a green meadow of herbaceous flowers and grasses. All right, so maybe that's the blackout dream I had when I was 17 and mixed two many different flavors of Schnapps and ended up crawling across a field in fear of the approaching army and having to be pulled from the street by some neighborhood hussies. All the same the cows of reason have spoken to me and now let me suckle from their knowledgeable bosom and impart to you that injecting a little lactose sugar into a stout and subtracting a heavy dollop of whisker-twisting hops does a body good. So much so that this confectionery chocolate milks a bit more joy from your membrane than it takes away in motor function skill loss and leaves you with the feeling of floating on a cloud of (X-rated) with the wind to your back and the motion at your body's beckoning.

- Wörtwurst

Bell's Oarsman Ale

2010-12-15T01:22:00.000-05:00

Bell's Oarsman Ale
Bell's Brewery
Comstock, MI

By style this is considered a Berliner Weisse but by compunction and the laissez-faire ethos I shall call it blechhhhhhhhh. Yeah, add a bunch of throaty chhhhh's to that as well for emphasis because it deserves a phlegmy response. A sour ball tartness permeates this monstrosity and gives your stomach the twisting sensation of having eaten a dozen or so green apples under a tree in too hot weather after much frolicking in the sun all day. Well, it's a bout 7 degrees outside tonight, all foolish childhood appetites for sour patch kids have dissipated in me and the sun won't shine for a very long time on either me or this infected ale from a normally trusted brewery. Of course, I know that they purposely brewed this to match a German style but sometimes you just have to take tradition and culture and throw it into a cauldron and burn it. I'd perform that ritual with this one but it's likely to put out not only the fire but the eternal burning sun as well.

-Wörtwurst

Dundee Festival Ale

2010-12-13T01:34:00.000-05:00

Dundee Festival Ale
Dundee Brewing Co.
Rochester, NY

It took me a while to figure out just who the hell this J. W. Dundee Brewing Co. was/is but after I remembered when leaving the beer store I thought, "Oh gawd, rotgut." but these makers of the old Honey Brown Ale made a winner with this one. Now don't get me wrong, this ain't gonna shake your Christmas tree by any means or make your fipple flap open and sing to the joyous season but it will allow you to sit down by the fireplace and air out your grievances with time and the end just fine. There is mild spicing (to the point that you can't differentiate what is what despite tasting them rather prominently throughout), caramel and grains o' plenty topped on this thin body ale and though I wouldn't say that it warmed me it did put me on notice that tepid is both my middle name now and my path to follow as I turn into an old crusty bastard.

-Wörtwurst

Michelob Dunkel Weisse

2010-11-29T03:12:00.001-05:00

Michelob Dunkel Weisse
Michelob Brewing Co.
St. Louis, Missouri

I haven't drunk a dunkel weisse in probably two years and don't recall the last one I had so I'll just wing it here and pretend to know what I'm talking about. The one thing that I can tell you is that if you've ever had a hefeweizen then you know the unmistakable taste of this wheat, banana and cloves concoction to some varying degree. It's a mild styled ale with a heavy malt influx that makes for a great session beer, albeit a little boring at times.

The dunkel weisse is merely a hefeweizen with some dark malts thrown into the mash to give it a deeper, toastier and caramel-y taste. In most cases this is a boon and not even a notorious macro-brewer such as Anheuser Busch can muddle the style. Not as robust as you might want but this is a fair example of the genre although one might argue that this is merely a hefeweizen with some flavoring. Just the same, as an entry level beer, for those hooked on Bud and its ilk, it's a good example of a step up without being totally off-putting to the normal beer purveyor.

As much as most craft beer drinkers don't want to admit it, they were all probably a bit squeamish when first trying one of the bigger brews. I know that I was when having first tried Guinness some years back and thinking that it was a gravy beer. Ha! Nowadays, Guinness tastes like light beer to me compared to some of the porters and stouts that I've come across. I still like it just fine but in the realm of possibility and despite it being an ingenious creation it is a simple taste. This beer follows in that vein of being a primer to a main entree. It'll warm you up to better tastes and that's never a bad thing by my way of thinking.

-Wörtwurst

Scotty Karate Scotch Ale

2010-11-21T00:08:00.025-05:00

Scotty Karate Scotch Ale
Dark Horse Brewing Company
Marshall, MI

I've told you people before that the two best craft breweries in the United States are in Michigan but I don't think that you quite understood me the first 12 times so I will reiterate that point: Dark Horse Brewing Co. which is featured here and Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales are the best breweries.

If you've never had DHBC's Tres Blueberry Stout or any of Jolly Pumpkin's standard fare then you are merely drinking beer. Whereas I think J.P. is the more refined of the two, Dark Horse is like the savage genius of the family who goes about in odd ways of creating great works of art. This Scotch Ale is a prime example.

Now, I've never tasted scotch and don't really know what the hell a Scotch Ale is but I've tasted my fair share of its like. This one, like most Scotch Ale, has an elevated creme liquer feel to it with toasted caramel maltiness that comes across as a smooth and cold gravy that the silver swans of ambrosia should bathe in. Following that line of reasoning this is rain from Heaven.

-Wörtwurst

Black Cherry Porter

2010-11-17T01:18:00.001-05:00

Black Cherry Porter
Short's Brewing Company
Elk Rapids, MI

While hibernation weather isn't too far off into the future it hasn't quite arrived just yet here in southern Michigan. As dreary as it is outside with the seasonal rains, which I thoroughly enjoy, the northern display of blue lightning tonight signaled that autumn hasn't quite given up her throne either. Though I'm not quite in the mood for a porter this one sounded far too good to pass up another day.

As you may or may not know, Michigan is the cherry capital and especially the northern climes where Short's Brewing Co. resides and so it's pretty much expected that every Michigan brewers will incorporate the ingredient into their elixirs. Seeing as it is winter 6 months of the year up in the Traverse Bay area it makes sense to squeeze the juice into a cold weather brew. This beer is a perfect combination of both climate and resources.

A hearty porter which is strong enough to flap your flapper but not blow out the pup tent. The cherry flavor is as seamless as the frozen snow on the shore of the Great Lakes and the only tart you are going to conjure up with this fine porter is the Eskimo lass in the corner stool begging for more Budweiser on her fishmonger's salary. Are there even Eskimos in Michigan? Who cares! There aren't any sasquatches, UFOs or red dwarves either but people from these parts keep harping on the subjects unabated. The black panther roaming the countryside is a whole other matter. We shall get into that on some other black day in December mycompatriots.

-Wörtwurst

The Michigan Beverage Container Deposit Law: Sensible Environmentalism for the Average Citizen

2010-11-16T16:42:00.004-05:00

Seeing as I'm in Nashville twice a month and many places in between there and Detroit during the voyage it's not uncommon to see littered beer and pop cans in parking lots, alongside the road, in parks, etc. The natural inclination for a Michigander is to pick them up and toss them in the trunk to recycle for their deposit. I was surprised to learn that only 10 states actually have a law on the books concerning returnable bottles and cans which is ridiculous considering how effective the program has been here in Michigan towards cleaning up many of the polluted lakes and rivers. Anyway, I wrote a short piece over at the other site concerning the law. It's a bit sloppy in a few parts but for some reason they won't let me edit it now.

Bloody Beer

2010-11-16T00:17:00.007-05:00

Bloody Beer
Short's Brewing Company
Elk Rapids, MI

I celebrated a seeing of my clone child this past weekend by buying three beers. An amount which is equal to my purchases of the past 4 or 5 months. Being the Polock that I am I drove around with the car windows open in 30 degree weather just to keep the beer cold whilst paying no mind to the windshield fogging over or my own baked brain going kaput. Beer is serious business. Especially when you can get some select singles for under $3 per bottle.

Choosing between two Short's Brews, Bloody Beer and Black Cherry Porter, and a Dark Horse Scotty Karate was an easy choice for somebody with car lag and a sobering and malingering headache. Hence, the Bloody Beer.

Bloody hell I tell ye because this vegetable clamato witch's brew is seriously conflicted. However, unlike the hot tamale backwash in the Black Mountain Cave Creek Chili Beer this is actually drinkable though a bit confounding. Confusing because you can clearly taste tomatoes, peppercorns and even horseradish but it still tastes like beer. It also has a sweet and unexplainable funkiness to it akin to a Belgian but I have no clue as to how this affect was attained. It must be a strong strain of yeast to cut through this garden of ingredients but whatever it is it saves the beer from being just a V-8 cocktail. I won't say that it's a great beer but as far as vegetable beers go it's actually pretty damned drinkable. These guys have some strange concoctions but so far I haven't had any pissers from their stockpile. Well, any that would keep me from coming back for more strange brews!

-Wörtwurst

PS...yes, I'm still doing the other site but seeing as they make me wait almost a week to publish an exclusive review I'd just as well put it here. Plus, I don't think a few pennies here or there will hurt my 40 cent posting profit on the site! Haha.

Heavy Seas Mutiny Fleet Siren Noire

2010-11-10T15:36:00.002-05:00

Heavy Seas Mutiny Fleet Siren Noire
Clipper City Brewing Company
Baltimore, Maryland

Approx. 8% ABV

An English style imperial stout, fermented and flavored with imported Belgian chocolate nibs. Smooth and easy drinking. Named for the Sirens who lured seafarers off course and ultimately to their demise.

Click here to read the review.

Fat Tire Amber Ale

2010-11-08T16:59:00.009-05:00

Fat Tire Amber Ale
New Belgium Brewing Co.
Fort Collins, Colorado

ABV - 5.2%
IBU - 18.5
Calories - 155
Hops - Willamette, Goldings, Target
Malts - Pale, C-80, Munich, Victory
OG - 12.6
TG - 2.2

Click picture to read review

#90!

2010-11-03T21:45:00.001-04:00

I just found out that Wikio has a top 100 beer blog list and that I'm #90. Which is kind of funny because I can't even afford to blog about beer any more. See, all of you stingy bastard breweries who won't send me your beer for free to review are damned fools! FOOLS I TELL YOU! Send me your beer and I will make us all #1.

I've sold out!

2010-11-03T11:38:00.000-04:00

And it's about damned time! Yup, I happened upon some link where I could post beer reviews and actually get paid per click while some other sucker maintains the site. So I'll be posting my beer reviews over there for the foreseeable future. Of course I'll also be posting them here too but in a different version since they don't want all the smarmy language and beer bravado that I so generously provide. The best part is that I can post all the old reviews from here over there. Hopefully, I can generate a small pittance which will allow me to get paid to do reviews instead of the other way around. A shelling-out of hot clams? No. A selling out of pene glands? Obviously.

Hex Ourtoberfest

2010-10-08T23:35:00.003-04:00

Hex Ourtoberfest

Magic Hat Brewing Co.

South Burlington, Vermont

I have more blogs than brain cells but I can tell you for certain that of all the blogs that I miss updating it's this one and it all comes down to stinking rubles. Sure, I could quit the record blog but seeing as I've updated it daily for nearly two years running it seems pointless to stop now. As for my other 15 blogs: well, they are free to produce and only need my useless time and imagination. I know...on to the beer emo fucker.

Well, let's hand it to Magic Hat for coming up with one of the worst names for a beer of all time. The Hex part is fine but the Ourtoberfest part of it is so damn lame that I am embarrassed for them and the guy whose girlfriend got to name it because she's banging a boss. It's almost as pratfall-ish as my vertical pour but until I grow another arm (which isn't my wang) and it can handle pouring duties my laziness will outrank my setup abilities. Laziness is the goal here anyway you pricks. The beer is run of the mill quality okt-o-slosh with a hempy aptitude. A little too grassy for my sweet tart ways but I'd rather drink this than a pint of penguin piss any day, brother man.

-Wörtwurst

Michelob Marzen

2010-10-04T12:15:00.002-04:00

Michelob Marzen

Michelob Brewing Co.

St. Louis, Missouri

I stoled the picture of this beer and would have stolen the beer itself if not for it's ready availability in my Nashville motel room which was also occupied by my mother. Yeah, she needs to drink a little while in my company and especially after a long day of traveling with a possessed imbecile. Har har. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I pretty much suck at life and well, this beer sucks at help making my life better. It fails as a marzen although it does have its speaking points. Namely cost, if you're as broke as a joke. The ingredients however taste pretty $5.99ish and are everything you'd expect of a watered down version by a macro supplier. Or as my mama said, "Why didn't we just get the Samuel Adams? It's not like you paid for it!" Touche.

-Wörtwurst

Lakefront IPA

2010-09-23T00:08:00.003-04:00

Lakefront IPA

Lakefront Brewery

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

I've come to a gentleman's agreement with myself, despite the fact that I am both a scalawag and a compromised dolt, that if an IPA tastes good to me then it's shite to the rest of the world and vice versa. That being said, this is shit! I don't like it therefore it must be good. I'm like the bloated intestines of some Rene Descartes of beery quaffdom! Yeah, right. Well. of all those IPAs that I don't like this is at the top of the list of those which I almost like. It has all the IPA qualities you nut-grubbers enjoy and stanky hops a-plenty for when the mustache brigade of beer-belly sow-boys with a half-paycheck full of spunk and nearly no brains get together and splurge and purge their dignity in the name of craft-beeriness. What a bunch of nozzles most of you beer geeks are! Anyhow, I will tell you this much: it is a maltburger supreme and if they had gone the wheat or rye route with this one I'd be putting my tootsie into the bottle right now and making righteous, sweet love to it's golden essence.

-Wörtwurst

Giant Slayer Russian Imperial Stout

2010-09-06T23:03:00.005-04:00

Giant Slayer Russian Imperial Stout

Tri-City Brewing Co.

Bay City, Michigan

If I could tell you a thing or ten about life it would most likely start with a little story about my visit to a Wendy's in La Grange, Kentucky yesterday afternoon. It started with a little casual menu discussion with the fine gentlewoman who was running the cash register and she suggested we choose from the value menu because you just can't beat the price. So we did. Then I asked her if the location had wi-fi so that I could check my e-mail and she said rather wisely, "No we don't. Our people aren't quite that far advanced." Nice retort, ma'am! I chuckled and went for spoons and napkins and came back to the counter and saw a tray of food there and promptly grabbed a long fry from the container as is customary for a fat bastard. Just as soon as I reached for it I realized that it wasn't my order but an older gentleman's who had been at the counter when we arrived. I spun around and up he walked to the counter to my profuse apologies, "I apologize sir. Please let me give you my fries when they come up." He responded in kind with not a word but a sweep of his hand which suggested, "It's no problem boy. I've eaten dirt before." After a further pleading from me he grabbed the fry in question and threw it to the counter and went off to his seat. I dwelt on it vocally to which the kind woman at the counter said, "I think he would have shared them with you if you'd asked." Soon the man returned and said, "I ordered a small frosty also." The lady then proceeded to lay the comic into the hired help, "Could you get this man his LARGE frosty if you're not too busy." To which the workers who were obviously immigrants responded with looks of not understanding. "Un chocolito." she responded and up came the large frosty. To which the gentleman responded, "I only ordered a small and would like to pay the difference for the large." much to the protest of the gentlewoman! I don't know if they ever resolved the transaction with a further financial exchange but I had learned a further lesson in the high value of an honest life and went off to stuff my face.

Now, I will say to those who have bashed this beer on BeerAdvocate: get a grip mongrels! This is a solid beer with all the expectant R.I.S. qualities of dark, chocoffee, slightly toasted and bitter hops and an alcohol finish which would surely blow apart a breathalyzer.

-Wörtwurst

Wheat Monkey Ale

2010-07-18T01:29:00.006-04:00

Wheat Monkey Ale

Lakefront Brewery

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Remind me never to stay up all night just so that I can get up early to metal detect because now I'm tired and pissy as all hell. Instead of sleeping I am writing about beer once more because of Mr. White's generous donation of a mixed 8 pack from Lakefront Brerwey. This is a rather smooth, under-carbonated and very richly malted wheat beer. By under-carbonated I don't mean to suggest that it's flat because it has a very good head with decent retention but the feel wasn't affected at all by the richness. It is also rather sweet but not in a syrupy way but more of a fruity estery essence. As with most Lakefront offerings it's a quality brew though not top of the line. That works for me.

-Wörtwurst

Lakefront White Beer

2010-07-16T00:51:00.003-04:00

Lakefront White Beer

Lakefront Brewing Company

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

When your pal Beardsley Rummel drives back home to old Detroit from Milwaukee town and brings you an assorted 8 pack of Lakefront brews you review them with gusto and appreciation. This WHITE beer (Beardsley's real last name by the way!) is definitely in the American style of a Belgian white. While the flavor is sweet it is strong on the citrus aspect and not so much on the candy side of sweetness. The spicing is light and the malt kinda dry and heavy whereas a Belgian is more akin to a spice drop lush drink. That's not to say that I didn't drink it down without much effort while sparing minimal time to do so. A more dignified version of the highly over-rated Blue Moon witbier but not quite up to par with the likes of Calabaza Blanca.

-Wörtwurst

Adaven IPA (I think)

2010-06-16T00:50:00.005-04:00

Adaven IPA?

Buckbean Brewing Company

Reno, Nevada

Wow, this one was sure an unexpected surprise. I came home to find a box at my door addressed from Buckbean and I expected it to be beer and it was/is. Why it was there is the bigger question since nobody contacted me about sending it but I'm not going to complain much. There's also the question of exactly what beer this is since there is no label on the can and no note in the box. The first thing that came to mind was that it's a mild IPA or an Oktoberfest since it has qualities similar to both styles: semi-sweet and toasty malts, a slight hop edge and a butternut squash flavor that says fall seasonal but I'm more convinced for whatever reason that it's an IPA. Good stuff muchacos.

-Wörtwurst

Drake's Crude Oatmeal Stout

2010-03-15T23:54:00.004-04:00

Drake's Crude Oatmeal Stout

Erie Brewing Company

Erie, Pennsylvania

I don't know if you guys hear the Leinenkugel commercials on the radio in your area of the world but their ongoing slogan seems to be "no bitterness in the Chip". Which is referencing Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin and their moderate take on the hophead war. Well, I moderately agree with that tepid statement. Bitterness in proportion to other ingredients is fine with me just so long as one doesn't overpower another to its detriment. Which is kind of the case with this beer. There is such a strong coffee essence in the front end of it that it almost burns the throat as it goes down. Luckily there is copious maltiness, hard and heavy chocolatey-ness and a binding sweet smoke flavor that balances it out despite the searing effect. I started out thinking that this was a great beer but by the bottom of the pint it feels just a bit above average to me and my darkness drinking self.

-Wörtwurst

Shanty Irish Ale

2010-03-05T01:12:00.005-05:00

Shanty Irish Ale
Warbird Brewing Company
Fort Wayne, Indiana

Seeing as I haven't posted very much in the past month I though I'd get a jump on St. Patrick's Day by trying something which is distinctly packaged as an Irish Red Ale. For all the percolating this one did after being opened it sure went flat rather quickly. Some bizarre-o aroma wafted out of the bottle as soon as the cap removed and made me think that this one had maybe turned bad. Whatever it did it made a strange congregation of flavors. Very cinnamony with a bready and malty essence and not much else. There is a hint of sweetness as well but it tastes like sweet generic candies that come in wrapped pieces in bags and are the shape and size of Werthers but are an off berry fruit flavor. Something akin to cheap hooker lipstick but flavorful enough to keep you coming back for more. BA says that it's been discontinued so I'm glad that I got my pour's worth before the tap went dry even though the tap's bled dry, dusted and busted with me anyway.

-Wörtwurst

Lilja's Sasquatch Stout

2010-02-19T00:05:00.005-05:00

Lilja's Sasquatch Stout
Sand Creek Brewing Company
Black River Falls, Wisconsin

The Great White North, eh? Believe it or not there are actually sasquatch sightings here in Michigan though mostly in the upper peninsula area. There are even organized hunts for the furry beast but only in the name of research and not for wild game meats and burgers. While Spuds Mackenzie is the original party animal, the yeti is the elusive one who always gets away. He smells like ass, has superhuman strength and is sometimes described as an other-dimensional being so it's any wonder that somebody is actually looking for the dude and his sequestered family of fur faces.

While he is elusive in the flesh he does make a pretty decent beer. Noticeable burnt cocoa, a milk fortified malt, a well-sifted though silted coffee and a bite which is much tamer than the eerie and wild whooping bark which the bigfoot is noted for and feared because of.

-Wörtwurst

Yessir

2010-02-17T16:49:00.001-05:00

I'll guess I should be getting back on my weekly beer diet then, eh? See you later tonight, alkies.

Affligem Blond

2010-02-01T00:11:00.005-05:00

Affligem Blond
Brouwerij De Smedt / Brouwerij Affligem
Belgium

Do you believe in past lives, spirits beyond the grave or the ability to read one's mind? I don't either but sometimes very odd things happen between beings that make you wonder. Last weekend I was with my dear cherub clone and as we were getting ready to leave to drop her back off with mom, I thought to myself, "I need to get some ice for the cooler." Before the thought passed through my brain stem she said, "Need to get ice?" I looked at my mother and said, "Did you say anything to her about getting ice?" No she did not. So either my baby girl read my mind or she has one of the secret spirit friends doing it for her. Anyhow, that's kind of how I pick out beer. Hell, that's how I do just about everything: by whim of a powerful, unseen suggestion. Which is why I'm typing this nonsense to a bunch of alkies. Bravo. So I picked this blond pale ale by the mere fact that the cap spoke to me. Not with a voice, mind you, but with a suggestion of its brilliance via the raiments that it wears. I'm drunk aren't I?

If only American Pale Ales had this kind of taste and not that dour, earth-feel, skunk-ass blow out, citrus-rind thing going on with them most of the time. Put a cork in the grapefruit and let out a little lovely sweet nectar from the more noble fruits. Yeah, you can have your hops but in moderation Pappy Jo. Add a tad of funky yeast and brew this bitch to whoever's beer or gold standard quakes your britches just don't bring the pain in mass quantities and you and I will remain quite cautiously civil and affable.

-Wörtwurst

Vinyl Lager

2010-01-31T03:30:00.009-05:00

Vinyl Lager
Magic Hat Brewing Co.
South Burlington, Vermont

What would Hervé Vilard drink if he wanted a tasty spirit right now? Or Danny Holley. Would it be iced Barcadi's w/ cola or a Pabst Blue Ribbon? Might you try a chardonnay, Billy Mure, or will it be La Roja for you sir? Barefoot and Andy are definitely having the piña colada. That leaves it up to me to press the Vinyl Lager into me lips.

Mmmm...waxy cylinders and tasty grooves. Ermmm...yeah. I don't even want to know why they named this brew as they did. You figure it out Edison while I suds up my derelict tongue.

What's the beer all about then? If you must know, then it's caramel in a three piece suit with a buttery bow tie demanding a malty hit or else it's off to the adjunct fields with you, low-class picker and strummer. If there's a hit packed into this pint sized lager it's that it drinks down rather smooth and quick. Kinda like sunshine on the rocks makes your belly dance the las dos rosas.

-Wörtwurst

Conway's Irish Ale

2010-01-30T01:26:00.003-05:00

Conway's Irish Ale
Great lakes Brewing Co.
Cleveland, Ohio

While at my favorite beer store today I thought, "What kind of beer blogger doesn't review IPAs, APAs, $14 bottles of beer, hop monsters or basically whatever is the new hot thing in the beer world?" Well, me. The beer pussy! So what if I'm like a woman and want to enjoy mild and dark flavors without putting my tongue on the gibbet. Speaking of which, while you're self-flagellating over there in your ivory beer tower with your tongue tacks I'll be over here drinking to fill up a review and then move on with my fairly pitiful life. Let's get on with this nonsense already.

As with most red ales there's a low expectation of great satisfaction and a reasonable doubt that you're about to drink a real pisser. This, like everything I've ever tried from GLBC, is a winner, albeit not by much. There's a minus factor of nutty caramel with a few malt patties piling on to this fluffy mild ale. Miniscule hoppage to the point that it tastes like a speck of soil on your dirty tongue after kissing the cinnamon girl while down in the grass behind a barn under a rainbow frequented by two-horned unicorns (i.e., bi-corns). The rest is mostly clean water with a heavy concentrate of alcohol (6.5%) which is hardly detectable outside of the written word.

-Wörtwurst

Saint Bridget's Porter

2010-01-22T00:40:00.004-05:00

Saint Bridget's Porter
Great Divide Brewing Co.
Denver, Colorado

St. Bridget, ye patron saint of ummm...errr...from the looks of the bottle depiction: stripping? Anyway, meet Captain Potato Chip. He of the tongue-shaped fried potato variety and master maestro of my current gastronomical chart. You see, when you classy people think of pairing foods, a little bubble above your heads shows a filleted salmon with a light salad and greens. Or perchance a bit of broiled lemon pepper chicken with a side of parmesan noodles. Not me, I grab salami, chips, chocolate, sausage and usually a diet flavored cola chaser. Something small, quickly divisible and usually saturated in animal fats! MMMMM!

So after my first drink of this fine porter my hands went directly in the palate-washing cream-bin with the old chipperoos. Crunch crunch crunch the anti-diet guru munched away and allowed the beer to breathe, warm, gesticulate and promulgate it's best presentation. Eh, who am I kidding, it tastes the same cold as it does less than cold. Smoked-chocolate on a sizzle stick. Chestnuts slapping against yer stripper's pole. 12 fluid ounces moving like a small ocean inside the briny skull of mush, pushing the goldfish of ignorance back and forth between these eyeballs which cover up so many dysfunctional parts. Great beer, fallible human, the same old world as before...drink up.

-Wörtwurst

Michigan Amber Lager

2010-01-18T00:43:00.005-05:00

Michigan Amber Lager
Atwater Block Brewery
Detroit, Michigan

Sometimes these mitten-state beers tickle your junk and other times they slap you in the back of that big old head of yours and say, "Step outside the glove." This one is nervously stroking it's foot-long goatee and deciding whether to knock this sucka out or pat me on the noggin like a good little Michigander. Well, no need for violence here. The only thing more superfluously ridiculous than cheering for your favorite sporting team is to cyber battle your craft beer foes.

This is a lager and that's where the good and bad begins. It doesn't taste like your typical standard fare macro but it also doesn't light a blazing trail to craft Valhalla. In fact the "the perfect balance between roasted barley and select hops." isn't so perfect. It's kind of boring really. There's a butternut squash feel to it with a zap-zing of hop-tricity and a sweet clean afterbite. A beer that you could easily drink a couple of in a sort amount of time if you were so inclined. I'm more inclined to get back to my turntable and the art of recording useless artifacts of aural splendor for the few.

-Wörtwurst

Short's Cup A Joe Coffee Creme Stout

2010-01-15T01:28:00.006-05:00

Short's Cup A Joe Coffee Creme Stout
Short's Brewing Co.
Elk Rapids, Michigan

The shithead on the bottle label reminds me of several Salvador Dali paintings (think Woman With a Head of Roses and Raphaelesque Head Exploding.). That alone should make this beer a keeper but there's something not quite right with it. It has a paralyzing coffee palate that nearly choked me out the first two or three drinks into it. Now that I've let it sit for a good 20 minutes it comes across as coffee grounds scraping the tongue. Burnt toasty grounds with an acrid bite to it. I don't mean hoppy but something skunked in a purposeful way with detrimental feelers as if you had spiked somebody's coffee with pepper and garlic. It's rare that I give a stout a fingering in the down position but I'm going way down low and under the table with this earthware black well water.

-Wörtwurst

He'Brew Rejewvenator Harvest to Harvest Ale

2010-01-12T01:09:00.009-05:00

He'Brew Rejewvenator Harvest to Harvest Ale
Shmaltz Brewing Co.
San Francisco, California

I can admit to you the errors of my ways. I was quite insouciant towards the first couple of He'Brew offerings that I came across but these last two discounted bombers have changed my mind. Hence, this is my Hineni. I am once again ready to try a He'Brew with anticipation instead of the normal trepidation of the unfamiliar and the formerly disappointing.

BA tags this as an American Strong Ale and by gawd it is but it comes across more as an old ale to me with the alcohol-y influx into this figeroni. I've read in a few reviews that the dark fruity figgy-ness is negligible but I think it comes to the forefront and screams in one of those insane Middle-Eastern bird scream voices just before or after a suicide bombing. The rest is mitigated sweetness, maltiness and a caramel finish whether you buy it frozen or not.

PS...kinda funny that the California Raisin my nephew set on the desk a week ago sat there as cool as could be and watched the video debacle unfold (which you can't watch because Blogger won't upload it.).

-Wörtwurst

Sir William's Extra Special Bitter

2010-01-07T02:21:00.004-05:00

Sir William's Extra Special Bitter
Dragonmead Microbrewery
Warren, Michigan

Let me make my preamble while the suds dissipate: This world is kind of a hooker horrible place sometimes isn't it? No really...it's a fiefdom of rot and depravity with a little humanity churned in. I suppose that it doesn't help that I watch too many shows about death, murder and paranormal stupefaction and invite these ill feelings in. Bah! I'll see my clone this weekend and all will be right with this dog-eyed world.

In the meantime I'm going to attempt to drink a beer. As you can see it got a bit roiled in its vessel and is acting up. Serves me right for driving it around in the trunk of the car. It belongs in the car trunk with this attitude of mine plaguing me.

So, now that I've tamed this fluffer I must say that it's quite grand. It reminds me of an Arbor Brewing selection but I can't quite place which. Well, it was the one that also exploded all over the foundation of my beer life and left me wanting more and more. What's in it: caramel, butter a la mode, pepper, feasty beasty yeasties, a shred of hops, castle parlance and one dragon hair which beguines its way down into the depths of your 90th floor.

-Wörtwurst

Very Noddy Lager

2009-12-29T15:54:00.006-05:00

Very Noddy Lager
Buckbean Brewing Co.
Reno, NV

I'm not a spokesperson for Buckbean nor do I get paid for reviews but if they offered I'd surely be their mouthpiece from the north midwest. Hell, I'd even lie for them! As is, I'm a willing and happily inclined participant in this tit for tat. I receive samples from them every few months and write my pithy reviews to an uncaring and hop-induced audience and they get exposure as they, the producer of fine brews, rightfully should.

Well, hoppers and schwarzbier lovers alike we have a beer for ye. Not particularly hoppy but what germinates beneath the foggy depths does permeate the black veneer of grains and suds as an alcohol mist of finely roasted and toasted malt fingers touching you and touching me in the uvula region of my very gross anatomy. Like any good beer the flavors come in waves. First is a semi-sweet dark chocolate followed by a malt infusion that slides into the hop finish which more or less stimulates the tastebuds into a coma of warmth and serenity. Seriously man...I'm about to noddy off!

PS the excess foamscud was from me opening the box up and getting right to the beer without letting it settle. Luckily UPS or whoever delivered it left it on the porch and it was ice cold to pour and drink. Another winner from the can crafters. I highly advise you to contact them for some samplers. Wow, I advise you to drink it slower than I did because I'm pretty mellow right now if you know what I mean.

-Wörtwurst

Redhook Double Black Stout (with Coffee)

2009-12-23T23:08:00.005-05:00

Redhook Double Black Stout (with Coffee)
Redhook Ale Brewery
Woodinville, Washington

Considering that we in the western hemisphere are embarking upon the longest nights of the year it's only fitting that a stout should be the spirit of choice tonight. It moves the spirit and makes the pitch black richer still. I'm in kind of a black mood right now and so this isn't maybe a proper time to imbibe but Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh (with the aide of alcools) I will this night. You see, I miss my gravy-drinking toddler princess despite having seen her the past two weekends. I simply can't get enough of the clone baby. She says she's a ticken (chicken), sings Jingle Bells, loves the Jingle Cats and reaches across the table to eat spoonfuls of gravy and begs for tomatoes despite my caution against letting her little belly lining achieve a food ulcer at age 2. She's a miniature me and if you haven't noticed I kinda like me despite the fact that I'm a complete maroon. So yeah, a black feeling enriched with a stout is the name of this review. It's not your typical imperial stout as it's lacking the deeper affects of chocosmokecoffee but they are in abundance enough to call this a very respectable stout. Redhook should make this a regular release and I might be more inclined to join their revolution which up to this point has underwhelmed me with a stigma of craft brewery lite when I think of them. Now let me foolishly rue the fact that I didn't pick up a second copy of the Reverend Carey Landry's "THE SPIRIT IS A-MOVIN'" LP with a yellow cover today at the thrift store for 75c.

-Wörtwurst

He'Brew Origin Pomegranate Ale

2009-12-23T01:09:00.006-05:00

He'Brew Origin Pomegranate Ale
Shmaltz Brewing Co.
San Francisco, California

Seeing as the price on this bomber was cut to $3.99 I figured it was as old and stale as the muskmeloned frappé groin fur on a nun but alas- it tastes fresh. Fresh, semi-fruity and grass-laden. Hearty grains with caramel extracts and a little figgy pudding in the corpuscles of the bulging wheats. Add some nectar and you have a Garden of Eden beer nativity scene with the ox and lamb keeping time. Think about that. Of all the things in Christian lore and tradition how is it that a fucking lamb and ox can keep time and nobody questions it. On grounds of common decency I beseech you to believe whatever it is that you will about God and man just don't be hoodwinked into believing that farm animals started up a hoof beat to the virgin birth. It didn't happen people! Now the Jingle Cats are a whole other matter. Those multi-faceted and talented singing and dancing cats can do the jig and strum an acoustic six string all in one motion. My God what treasures this Earth is immersed in. This beer will enhance that pleasure more than it will swamp out this stada baba world.

-Wörtwurst

Roxy Rolles Autumn Seasonal

2009-12-17T00:45:00.005-05:00

Roxy Rolles Autumn Seasonal
Magic Hat Brewing Co.
South Burlington, Vermont

When I think of autumn I get an acorn light bulb above my head of squirrels dancing the hoochie coo around the barren boysenberry bush and leaves crunching underfoot as the humansaurus rex moves into one more resting season before eventual extinction kicks in. Yeah, yeah... global warming and the coming of gawd aside, man's doom is sealed. Winter, nuclear winter specifically, will be the end season for man and autumn the next-to-last sunset. So why is it that he has to be portrayed as a beefcake laissez-faire free spirit roughneck when he ought be a stick-figure hangman's prize dangling from a stick figure gibbet? All of these questions and no answers. Well, I have an answer for this beer: it's a farking IPA! If this is an oktoberfest or an autumnal seasonal then I have a carp's mouth and a fishing hook mentality because I certainly taste the fishbine in this beer-o-mine. Sure, it has some amber and red qualities and that's fine by me because objectively speaking this isn't a bad micro-hopper. It just doesn't distinguish itself from a common pale or India pale ale. Plus the label is ignorant even if Roxy Rolles means more than just a name. I'm not interested enough to find out the who, what, where or why. Onward to my salsa and chips.

-Wörtwurst

Boffo Brown Ale

2009-12-15T21:37:00.003-05:00

Boffo Brown Ale
Dark Horse Brewing Co.
Marshall, Michigan

I'm not going to kid any of you fine beer purveyors because like you I think that the odd-shaped Boffo caricature depicted on the bottle looks an awful lot like a cat-eyed piece of dried up dung straight from the African Sahara. Taste-wise this is a corpulent-lipped brown sugar heavy on the molasses with a skirt fritter of maltese falcon pumped into the adrenaline glands. A very strong brown ale approaching a porter with variant stout attributes as well. If turned to the right light and given the proper tongue acerbations there is a funkiness which is swimmingly appropriate for the flotsam and jetsam yeast which swims about unfiltered and uncontained. This brew lives up to its name in the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition: extremely successful... right at the spot where the margin meets the word and then some.

-Wörtwurst

Ol' Red Ceast & Desist Wee Heavy Ale

2009-12-14T23:58:00.006-05:00

Ol' Red Ceast & Desist Wee Heavy Ale
Erie Brewing Co.
Erie, Pennsylvania

I know that it probably seems like a conspiracy against my home state that two reviews in a row featured Erie Brewing Co. selections but I can assure you that it's purely coincidental. I bought them nearly two weeks apart but they happened to settle in the beer drawer of the fridge just right and now I will have imbibed them accordingly. This is a boon!

Not the heaviest weewee in the world but it certainly brings out the scraggly wire bristles on my eyebrows to squiggle and dance their follicular gravitas and grand glandularistic ritual. Ol' Red the Scotchy had it right when he lifted his kilt and tea-bagged the blue-eyed world of bland beers and said, "Arrr...ye nutbags do not make dah mun bud dey certainly ken make him heppy if he points dem in da r-r-r-r-r-oight di-rection." I'm pointing you knobs down the straight and narrow with this hard sinker of malty proportions. Thank me later and wear your knickers so that I don't have to see your hideous junk piles.

-Wörtwurst

Heritage Alt Beer

2009-12-09T14:05:00.007-05:00

Heritage Alt Beer
Erie Brewing Co.
Erie, Pennsylvania

I was reading an article today about how Atheists deal with Christmas and I thought "what kind of mental dildos are these people?" Listen, I don't follow any religion, believe in a Creator or think that life has any great significance beyond one's personal values (and also that it's better than being dead!). But these Atheists with a self-identifying capital A and a grudge against the Jesus man have got it all wrong. I'm an atheist by definition but it doesn't affect my life whatsoever. These Atheists though, they are angry at the Christ-man and though that's their right, it's kind of a self-defeating complex to have. I find it odd that people who don't believe in something are so vociferous against that non-belief. I suspect that most of them are former or disillusioned Christians who no longer believe because somebody forced them into it or maybe had their peepee touched on the church bus. Who knows. Let me go on record as being one atheist for Christmas. My favorite song is Silent Night and the best version I ever heard was from church bells a half a mile away from an old apartment in a misty foggy snow slopped evening at Christmas-time (obviously).

If there is a good reason to believe in Gawd then a few beers into an inebriated state is a start. Euphoric greed in the pleasure department. This is a cross polination between a well-crafted porter and a solid brown but so much smoother than Kojak's dome. If I have to explain the intricacies of the porter and the brown then you are more akin to a non-believer than am I.

-Wörtwurst

Bell's Christmas Ale

2009-12-08T00:41:00.005-05:00

Bell's Christmas Ale
Bell's Brewery
Comstock, Michigan

We're friends, right? I mean, I'll always be there for you just as long as you knock on my door 76 times or ring the phone 111 cycles and I'm certainly there for you when you need me. What I'm saying is that I wouldn't lie to you. So when Bell's came to me and asked, "Hey Wörtwurster J. Knockwurst & Co., ye of the shiny red nose and epiglottis, what do you want in a beer?" I quizzotically exclaimed, "Gib me da gobdug good stuff mudder fuckas." Well, that's just what they've done here. An irrationally malty maltburger registering 3.8 on the Fujita Scale of Egregious Malts and varying but not overbearing hops in a state-of-the-art beer bottle with label and hand-crankable top.

Are there Christmas spices in here? I proffer a hearty "no", Pompadour Bill. Is there a little funk in the tinsel old St. Worty? I tink so amigo. Are there chestnuts and an open fire? Only in the mind's eye and that bi-focal is glancing towards the glass sides trying to figure out how to muscle 200+ pounds into a mug the size of a coffee trough. Hell, the corpulent red suited man and his hefty sack goes down a dozen billion chimneys so why can't one fat bastard climb down the yuletide ladder 'o love towards beerland? He can if only he believes it so. And I do.

-Wörtwurst

St. Benedict's Winter Ale

2009-12-05T00:02:00.003-05:00

St. Benedict's Winter Ale
Stevens Point Brewery
Stevens Point, Wisconsin

Karma says that you get what you give. Well, I gave a shout out for this brew and they returned the favor by sending me a six pack of the presented winter seasonal to sample and review. If nothing else this beer is perhaps the prettiest seasonal that I've tried. I think it's red. I mean it looks dark red but my red-green colorblindness could be playing tricks on me. It's pretty nonetheless.

If you're into Christmas beers then this cinnamon spiced bread laced warmer is for ye. While it's classified as a winter warmer -- and mostly it is with its malty dough and caramel center -- it also has many characteristics of a solid red ale as well with minor hop notes that enrich the beer but doesn't pollute it. The thing that separates this beer from other winter seasonals, I think, is that it has a sour sweet funk from the yeast, as if it were a Belgian of sorts (and I think they do classify it as such considering the name. Doy!). A very drinkable seasonal that could easily be a session beer as my three minute downing of this beery treat surely proves. A great stocking stuffer or a trusty stick shift on your beer and spirits sleigh.

-Wörtwurst

Majestic Wheat Ale

2009-12-04T17:01:00.004-05:00

Majestic Wheat Ale
North Peak Brewing Co.
Traverse City, Michigan

I'm sure that in every American state there is banal terminology to indicate one's proximity to another spot on the map. In Michigan everything not Detroit is basically Up North or Down South and other permutations of western seeking ambition. Well, this stub-nosed beer is made Up North. Through some familial alliance between Jolly Pumpkin, Grizzly Peak and God knows who else it has made it's way Down South to the Detroit area.

At first sip I'm not overly impressed. Second sip through last gulp I'm still underwhelmed. That's not to pigeon-hole the entire brewery on the basis of one beer but at this juncture I have a feeling about these guys. That feeling is that they are trying to be craft brewers but on a minimal scale. Obviously it's intentional because the beer has all the qualities of a finely crafted wheat beer but at the bare minimum. Kind of like a northern Shiners. This is a thin wheat with little of the sweet estery fruits of some of the standards in the movement. There is also a dry hop tinge to the back-end of the drink that doesn't really settle right with me especially for a wheatie. It's not bad and it's not great and I suppose that might be good enough for you Up North folks but for this Detroit-born numb skull it only makes my medula oblongata that much more mushy. The squat little bottles though will afford it another try at a future time.

-Wörtwurst

Harpoon Chocolate Stout

2009-12-02T23:26:00.005-05:00

Harpoon Chocolate Stout
Harpoon Brewery
Boston, Massachusetts

I'm jonesing for some egg nog right now but while it's chilling in the lower realms of the fridge with the onions and yogurt, I am warming my multitude of membranes with this beer which chilled itself on the floor of the car's front seat all the live long day. You see..that's the thing with my abnormal self... I like my beer ice ccccoooold, my nog even colder and my ice cream warm enough to melt into a gelatinous puddle. Which has nothing to do with this delicacy.

Now this is a chocolate stout! It tastes like low grade chocolate -- think Nestle Quik -- and medium bodied stout goodness, nothing else. No fancy cocoa beans, alcohol aerosol, heavy-handed hops or burnt roasty fondue toasty goodness but just plain old stout and chocolatey-ness. Normally, and in most other styles, I'd probably call this a watered down version of the best beers of the genre but in this instance it hits right down the middle and that's the bar for me.

-Wörtwurst

Warka Strong

2009-11-27T01:37:00.005-05:00

Warka Strong
Browary Warka
Poland

I was watching the Chronicles of Narnia tonight with my nephews and the part where the little girl meets Mr. Tumnus kind of perplexed me in a "I'm high on weed and will ask stupid questions" sort of way (even though I don't touch the pots and weeds). I understand he's a partial goat man and such but why wouldn't the dude at least wear a shirt in the land of always winter and never Christmas (is that where Andy Partridge got the title for his song from?)? I mean it's goddamn cold out, right?

So I have the same question about Kazimerz Pulaski: why is he on this bottle? Sure he was born in Warka but nobody puts a picture of famous people on a beer just because they were a great warrior, fought in the American Revolution and helped forge a new country for the power elitist nefarious lizards of the Illuminati. Seriously, imagine Samuel Adams on a beer label!

So this beer is an odd combination of many things. Sure, it's a lager but it leans more towards being an English ale with its sticky and cloying sweetness though minus the caramel and butterbean malt-itude. The lack of any hops though kind of gives it a kolsch-y flavor and its alcoholic flavor puts it out there in Warkaland with the 700 saviors of Warsaw and Chopin's ensconced chest pumperoni. Otherwise it's pretty refreshing in a way that you drink it once and then pass the remaining bottles onto your stepsister Janet as a nice basket filler in a housewarming present.

-Wörtwurst

2009 Celebration Ale

2009-11-25T01:19:00.004-05:00

2009 Celebration Ale
Sierra Nevada Brewing Co.
Chico, California

'Tis the season eh? So in typical festive mood I walked the Big Black Bitch of a dog down the street tonight and along a trail near some woods and finally behind a former elementary school which is now a day care. It was raining and my shoes were wet and the dog leash around my neck was well-rested until we came upon one of those dogs that bounces up on the fence like Tigger and threatens to come over. Well, this one finally bounced high enough up and over and started charging at me and the BBB. I took the leather strap from around my collar and swung it lasso style a la John Wayne and cried out "Come on you son of a bitch" and made a few steps towards him. Which of course made the tanned beast turn on its heels and reconsider his bravado. I kind of reconsider mine every time I try a beer which is hop-enriched and have long come to concur with the critics who call me a girly-man. That I am. But this is also an unpleasantry that I could do without. Not much different than their Pale Ale classic though it is a tad more mild with a caramel affect. It doesn't feel very Christmas-y. In fact it feels almost Earth Day-ish in both soil-broth flavor and a hippy feel. If chestnuts are roasting then my bells are damn done burned.

-Wörtwurst

Steven's Point Brewery St. Benedicts Winter Ale

2009-11-24T21:14:00.003-05:00

I received an e-mail from these guys this morning and thought I'd pass it along. Hopefully they'll send me some review bottles and I can review it as well.

Hamtramck Beer

2009-11-22T22:54:00.005-05:00

Hamtramck Beer
Michigan Brewing Co.
Webberville, Michigan

I loved a girl once who lived in Hamtramck. She raved about how cool the town was and that being part of Detroit it was a hip-happening place. I'm sure that it was/is. Her college friends would party and watch bands there. I hate bars but went along a few times because her friends were just so wonderful and we should hang out with them more often. Sure we should. So into the bar we went and met up with her friends. Another friend or two were the featured band of the night. Sweety cheeks offered to get drinks while I and her friends sat at a shaky table and re-acquainted ourselves with each other. "We hear so much about you and it's great to see you." I just half-smiled because I was warned to be on my best behavior. Not too long into the get together I felt a rubbing against my leg. You know how sometimes you accidentally rub the support stanchions when sitting at an unfamiliar table and think some mysterious dwarf woman is rubbing your leg? I looked under the table and followed the foot to somebody who was not my girl. The mysterious rubbing was from the great great friend of sweety cheeks. I looked at her with less than amusement in my eyes and she eventually got the hint that I found her flirtations rather repugnant. Don't get me wrong, I regret my life entirely -- except for my child -- and in another lifetime I probably would have enjoyed the moment and not been such a surly prick but being that I am what I am, I was not amused. But that's a whole other bone to pick at completely.

I never told the girlfriend because I didn't want to mar her delusions of her great peeps. Maybe I can track her down now and perhaps ruin a wonderful friendship with a secret betrayal. Nah, I think I'll just drink this goddamn beer instead and thank my dim-bulb brain for not marrying the woman as she had told a friend that I must do or it was over. Haha. Yeah, that's a successful maneuver to use on a stubborn pollack.

Oh yeah, the beer. Well, it's not over-macro-nized as some BA limp-dicks have proposed that it is. Sure it has an adjunct feel but there is also some sweetkins parsed against a carmel spine which, if I think about it now, tastes an awful lot like an amped down version of Big League Brew which these guys also produced for Helmar. I'll be damned if my seldom flashbacks aren't wholly relevant at times. A counterfeit kolsch which could be a session beer for the many. I can't promise no adjunct headache the next morning though.

-Wörtwurst

Samuel Adams Winter Lager

2009-11-21T23:00:00.005-05:00

Samuel Adams Winter Lager
Boston Beer Co.
Boston, MA

I get a lot queries on this blog but occasionally they tilt towards the odd and bizarre. Namely two recent ones "roughneck crossdresser" and "roughneck men with nice asses". So I did the normal thing and googled both phrases and found that the returns are #2 & #1 respectively for this blog. That knowledge and $2.99 will get you this bomber at Keg & Wine beer store in Redford, MI.

But enough about moi. You, however, S.A. Winter Lager, are getting a re-review here nearly three years after my original scribbling scrawl. Well, other than me being a clone-maker and the dollar taking a dump against the Euro, the Loonie and the Pound this is pretty much still a bock with typical horns. The seasonal spices don't appear now just as they didn't then. Hell, Santa will show up before those aloof orange peels and ginger affects make their showing. Still a good solid brew by the masters of the "just plain old good beer."

What? What else do you tag-alongs want from me? Oh yeah, here's Santa doing a drive-by down my old street about the time of the first review. You'll have to enlarge it to see his blurry visage but I can assure you that he does exist. Yeah, Donner and Blitzen and Co. are a hemi-powered machine. That's Motown Redux for ye.

-Wörtwurst

Sky High Rye

2009-11-20T00:03:00.007-05:00

Sky High Rye
Arcadia Brewing Co.
Battle Creek, Michigan

I'm an accidental IPA drinker. I pick out beers usually by the bottle art, quality of name and the absence of IPA, APA, Hop Monster and Bitter Jizz Tumescence Hopslopper written on the label. That is: I don't really know what I'm buying or drinking until I open and pour but I definitely purposely avoid souped-up hop-trippers. I'm coming to find that half of these rye ales are surreptitiously hopping half-IPAs. The bitterness even permeates the foamscud head on this one and the bitters prevail on into the drink itself. There is also mild sweetness in spots, a fruity wheatness that also touches the lemon-jello dregs of herbal highness. At $3.99 per bomber it's moral equivalent is one-fourth a NI HAO KAI LAN HOHO DOLL which I am now a proud poppa of (too bad some poor sucker will pay that dude 2 1/2 times its worth). Hint: Target has them on sale for $17.99.

-Wörtwurst

Busch

2009-11-18T12:28:00.006-05:00

Busch
Anheuser-Busch, Inc.
St. Louis, MO

Hey Corntooth, get out ya micro macro tastebuds because we're bringing wetness to Dry County, KY USA. I had to drive 10 miles of rural Kentucky highway back into the center of some Tennessee farm town to get a Busch tallboy because I was in a teetoling town/county. From those slim pickins chances I had opportunity to get a Modelo or a Clamato Bud Light but chose this classic staple American lager instead. Yessum, I'm bootlegging it tonight, y'all, with the thin yellow strawman. It's nothing to write home about so I will pen this empty missive to ye strangers far and wee. It was worth $1.39 but not the 20 mile drive. As my clone said to me the next morning after asking for a kiss during breakfast: "Slimey" and then wiped it away. Come to think of it it was probably remnants of this chugger in my sloppy kiss some 12 hours later despite cola, toothpaste and breakfast.

-Wörtwurst

Okocim Porter

2009-11-12T01:20:00.006-05:00

Okocim Porter
Browar Okocim S.A. (Carlsberg)
Poland

My high school/college girlfriend had a Polish father who was quite eccentric (this is coming from a Pollack with some very oddball relatives) and plastered a Solidarność sticker on his car bumper. That's not the eccentric part just the Polish part. So, anyway, he would blare bagpipe music on Sunday mornings that filled the neighborhood and I believe that the cops were involved at some point. This is all before he went crazy. After he lost it he frequented punk concerts in downtown Detroit and kept a mighty stash of porno mags under the mattress of his marital bed. Needless to stay he got kicked to the curb. It's odd because even though I didn't really voice it at the time I thought that the man was quite normal and those who objected to his behavior as the strange ones. But what do I know about life? Not much. About beer: not much more. This one comes off as a standard fare macro if you only look at the bottle itself. Once you uncork this negro though it becomes a craft delicacy. A top notch porter with all the heartwarming alcohol needed to render a teenage rememberance blog worthy. You may not think so but I believe that you are and will always be the crazy one of us two.

-Wörtwurst

Freaktoberfest

2009-11-11T00:47:00.004-05:00

Freaktoberfest
Shmaltz Brewing Co.
Saratoga Springs, New York

It's not often that you cap off a diaper change free weekend with the toddler princess and then shimmy into a Tuesday afternoon finding a Eustace Mullins hardcover book on the New World Order for one dollar! Time for a celebration! While this red amber lager ale marzen wannabe isn't quite as spectacular as the little clone proudly perched upon her plastic port-a-potty it is a rather tasty beer. What all the outrage on BA over this one is about is beyond me seeing as it's a standard quality lager with some spicy hops. Almost akin to a mild old ale with a cinnamon explosion in the hop plantation that settles perfectly with the boozy artifice. Maybe they wanted more malt or hops. Well...they also want more Pliny the Elder and his briny-balled pubic tonic and God knows that nothing is more ridiculous than that except for maybe Sammy Sosa's transmogrification into Michael Jackson II.

-Wörtwurst

La Parcela No. 1 Pumpkin Ale

2009-10-30T22:44:00.004-04:00

La Parcela No. 1 Pumpkin Ale
Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales
Dexter, Michigan

Well, it's finally happened...no, I didn't get lucky with the Bones Whore but rather Jolly Pumpkin has made a pumpkin ale after many years of prodding and chiding by the beer intelligentsia. I'd like to say that I drunk this out of a mutating skull at Bohemian Grove with Molech on my shoulder prophesying but I cannot lie to my brethren in such a manner. So? Well...I guess I'm kind of disappointed with this brew. Not because it isn't a good beer -- it is a top notch ale from the best brewery in America -- but because it doesn't delve deeply enough into the style. Sure there is a hint of pumpkin spicing and a graham crackery essence to this malty, frothing concoction but it really stops there as a pumpkin beer. There is the obligatory Jolly P. yeast funk in there also and a dingleberry worth of cacao hop-replacement in the jack-o-noggen center but it doesn't really feel like a pumpkin ale to me. Turn up those spices and then we can talk again next year about whether this is the best pumpkin beer around. Quality-wise this makes the Southern Tier Pumpking taste like Big Gulp backwash but as a pumpkin ale it needs some fine tuning. The bottle art needs no such face-lift.

-Wörtwurst

Dogfish Head Punkin Ale: A Re-Review

2009-10-24T22:27:00.005-04:00

Dogfish Head Punkin Ale
Dogfish Head Craft Brewery
Milton, DE

I take back everything I previously said about this beer. Maybe it's this year's batch or the other pumpkin ales that I've tried this go around have upped their quality because this is pretty unpalpable. Watered down, wafer thin malt, minor barf spicing and a sickly pale and uninviting taste. If I didn't know better I'd think I'd stumbled onto a mis-bottled Blue Moon Pumpkin Thang. It's funky enough to spike your mullet but not quite seasonal enough to shift my light from the off to on position (and there ain't much light chinking through the toughskin armor of my pumpkin head).

-Wörtwurst

Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour Red Ale

2009-10-20T23:43:00.005-04:00

Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour Red Ale
Brouwerij Van Steenberge N.V.
Belgium

Take your two (or three!) thumbs and index fingers and make O's, put them to your eyeballs, look through them quizzically and do the owl with me folks because there is enlightenment in this bottle of ruby red goodness. While I won't go out on a limb and say that the Flanders Oud Bruin style of sour red ales is my favorite it certainly is my preferred fruit-enhanced beer. This pencil-necker is teeming with sour fruit. The main thrust is in the plum-bread center with faint hints of other acidic yeast-induced juices. Whereas many fruit beers come off tasting syrupy this one tastes fresh off the vine with corpulent amounts of flavor and density that explode and seap into the tongue in varying waves. The bready, almost soft mild cheese finish could have been given a smidge of smoke or mild hops to lessen sourpatch kid estery extremes but as is there aren't many comparable $2.99 Belgians. Not a session beer by any means but definitely a bi-monthly dessert for the acute senses in even the dullest of us roughnecks.

-Wörtwurst

Hoss Rye Lager

2009-10-20T00:14:00.006-04:00

Hoss Rye Lager
Great Divide Brewing Co.
Denver, Colorado

"Bob", she says, "Sit down." and so I do rather obediently. "Bobbbbbbb" she half-whispers and then proceeds to bypass my suggestions and do what it is she will do. "Oh, Bob." she sighs and rubs my face as if to say, "whatever am I going to do with you?" It's so cute that I don't even ask her why she now calls me by my first name. That is how a supposed roughneck spends every other weekend with his little clone. So I drink some dirty water and rehash all of the sweetness and this rye lager does just fine as an alternative sidekick. I was not expecting an oktoberfest beer when I haphazardly picked this beer by name and number alone. But it is and I'm glad that it's so because this is one of the better fest beers that I've had. All of the expectant malt and full-body sweetness are present and the rye injection gives it a mellow hop antler rack that digs right into your bread basket and butters your gizzard. While the name leaves me a bit perplexed the brew itself untangles all the knots and rights my beer-brain halo to its rightful altitude.

-Wörtwurst

O'Fallon Pumpkin Beer

2009-10-14T00:06:00.007-04:00

O'Fallon Pumpkin Beer
O'Fallon Brewery
Stevens Point, Wisconsin

It's ironic that I first compared O'Fallon's Pumpkin Beer with the Dogfish Punkin' Ale because this time the first thing my big old pumpkin head dredged up was that this is Southern Tier Imperial Pumking Ale Lite. That time it was a slap to the melon but this time it is a fondling. My fondness is mostly in the fact that they have improved upon their recipe and made this a very drinkable and enjoyable beer where before it was merely drink-worthy.

-Wörtwurst

Post Road Pumpkin Ale

2009-10-13T23:48:00.005-04:00

Post Road Pumpkin Ale
Brooklyn Brewery
Brooklyn, New York

I've heard only good things about this pumpkin ale so I bought two bottles and I'm glad that I did. The first bottle was truly putrid and tasted of all the pumpkin beers I've ever had melded into one with a hopped up center. Or basically like vomit with an edge. Truly the worst pumpkin beer I've ever had.

However, the second bottle came together real well with all flavors and seasonings blending nicely in unison: cinnamon, nutmeg, all-spice, pumpkin and maltburger no. 9.

So, which is the real one? As with most Brooklyn brews I've been mildly disappointed by them because of all the hype they've received. In my opinion they are a solid beer maker but not a great one.

-Wörtwurst

Jackhammer English Style Old Ale

2009-10-09T23:59:00.004-04:00

Jackhammer English Style Old Ale
Arbor Brewing Co.
Ypsilanti, Michigan

Arbor Brewing Co.-- which is basically Corner Brewery with a corporation plastered to its resume-- makes some damn fine beers. I know it's a pervasive thought that the big brews of the west and east coast are the penultimate treasures in the craft beer movement but I would hold Jolly Pumpkin, Dark Horse, Bell's, Kuhnhenn, Founders, New Holland and Arbor (for starts) against any other state's top brewers. Whereas many of the so-called bigs are pumping out extreme beers these guys make extremely well put together beers on a regular basis and don't need an occasion to turn up the notch. This version of an old ale is more or less a brown with a heavy dose of ABV. That's what the style calls for along with some dark fruit, sugar and molasses. Fortify it with excess malt and toasty testes warmers and you got yourself a serious winter warmer.

-Wörtwurst

Short's Brew Soft Parade

2009-10-09T00:34:00.007-04:00

Short's Brew Soft Parade
Short's Brewing Company
Elk Rapids, Michigan

It doesn't get much gassier than this but the payoff is worth it at times. Where there's gas there's ass and in a beer that's not always a favorable thing. Here, we have a quad-fisted fruitose pie o' sorts. Sans the crust and teeming with sweet nectar. Whereas many overtly fruit beers go the wine route this one trembles on the high-wire and squirts a little juice in each eye of the varying storms. In the end, though, I think this comes off a bit too sweet despite the underpinnings of rye, hops and sweety wheatness. I wouldn't advise to pick a bushel of these but one under the collar of the misses might just give you a spike in the libido department.

-Wörtwurst

Harvest Ale

2009-10-07T22:59:00.004-04:00

Harvest Ale
Southern Tier Brewing Company
Lakewood, New York

Based upon the bottle art and moniker alone I didn't take this for an ESB but then again I also didn't take Obama for a shape-shifting new world order reptilian white martian at first glance either. But it is and so is he. With no predilection towards parsed faux meat or botoxed induced sand cabbage beers I will grant the BA-intelligentsia a once-over and call this a drinkable elixir. Well-crafted but not a favorite style of mine by any means. Feed them cake said Marie Antoinette but instead they have fed me an herbaceous and not so very delicious crotch of the loin hairburger tea.

-Wörtwurst

Kellerweis Hefeweizen

2009-10-01T23:16:00.003-04:00

Kellerweis Hefeweizen
Sierra Nevada Brewing Co.
Chico, California

I had nightmares last night and both were ghastly so I need a beer tonight! The first one entailed my two year old clone daughter over a two week period rising to a stout 6 feet 1 inches tall! I was shocked by this turn of events and also worried that she had one of those pituitary tumors which makes most giants the giants that they are. As you can tell I am having a difficult time with the fact that she can't stay a little one forever.

The second nightmare involved my Detroit Tigers who are on the verge of either clinching a playoff berth or the finishing touches of a colossal collapse of all-time proportions. It wasn't actually about them per se but about me being at some sort of sale and finding a dozen vintage vinyl LP records about the team. Which is normally a good thing, albeit a ridiculous one as well seeing as there might be a handful of records ever made about them, but I was distracted by a buddy of mine and somebody else got the dozens of other records! Yeah, my life's pretty sad.

Anyhow, this has all the classic wheat traits but with a lemon zesty zip to the tail-end. A spectacular hefe from a big-wig in the craft beer movement. If only more of these great breweries would stick their neck out and make a pumpkin ale then I would be a very very happy Ichabod Crane.

-Wörtwurst

Weihenstephaner Festbier

2009-09-30T00:02:00.004-04:00

Weihenstephaner Festbier
Brauerei Weihenstephan
Freising, Germany

Listen people of the bock, sometimes in life there are hard choices like diapers or beer. This last week the diapers won out and only by the grace of a few straggler and worn buckaroos this week were the letters B-E-E and R brought to you by Wörtwurst, Inc. It's too bad too because I've been drooling for some Oktoberfests and punkins these last few weeks. Well, I found another discounted single Fester at my Tuesday booksale nearby grocer for $2. Hell, I didn't even know that Dr. Ruth was in the beer making business let alone for 500 years. I always thought she looked a bit draconian and reptilian but who could have thunked it? I keed! This is standard fare taste on a tuxedo worthy platter. A very handsome beer with the gentle bruskness of a fraumeister and minute sweetness. Kind of like a few partially German wimmens I've known in my lifetime. I'll forgo that calamity and instead let you wiggle your whiskers within the foamy perimeter of this cock-eyed okt.

-Wörtwurst

Stone Soup Abbey Ale

2009-09-22T01:14:00.006-04:00

Stone Soup Abbey Ale
New Glarus Brewing Co.
New Glarus, Wisconsin

With the spate of recent shocking murders, kidnappings, natural cataclysms and financial crises many of us have climbed into a comfort zone to keep away a bit of the ugly underneath. Some do it with craft beer, others with music, arts and the other imbecilities of common life. I live within the times I have with my baby girl. Things like when she says "greenhoppa" (for grasshopper), "frobby" (for froggy) or "smells like lemon" when she sniffs a magnolia that I had previously stated gave off said fragrance. Or when she skips along while walking with her pouffy little granny butt sticking out or says while bending over without notice or provocation: "I'm peeing!". Off to the potty with you little lady! Better yet when she claps out of sync with "B-I-N-G-O" and can't get the letters out until the end of the song when it pours out like secondhand knowledge, which makes it more endearing. These things carry meaning for me. Beer is just something I do in between this life. If I can call it a life! What I'm saying is that even though we are breeders and as such life is meant to reproduce, we will have our banalities, opinions and hobbies. This is your hobby and my triviality presented to ye. I think we could have all done without this preamble but that's that.

As far as this "Belgian" goes: it really goes. Clovish with an apish pale-alish grin because decent yeast doesn't always make a decent candy. This is a German hefe living in Belgium on an expiring passport in a time of war. Get out before it gets ugly Adolf and be sure to take your Wheaties witcha because you're going to need all your strength to carry this pale ale to the promise land.

-Wörtwurst

Crack'd Wheat

2009-09-18T00:25:00.005-04:00

Crack'd Wheat
New Glarus Brewing Co.
New Glarus, Wisconsin

This is my second roll with El Pimperino here and I'm assuredly enjoying this whoopee cushion ride across Bavaria Minor and the lower fahty-eight. Yes, this is an Imperial Weizen with it's crackamo wheat and whispering white ale sentiment. I'll be honest though, this tastes less like a Hefe Jo Pale Ale and more like a Sourmash Surprise from the gates of Begonia Bob's in the wine capital of Belgium: Beerland. You could expect some monk with a gurgled chin chimping out a smile of self-satisfaction as he mixes the mash of some miracle intoxicant while you wait with supplicant fingers in pockets of linear lints for your breakfalunchsuppa. This stuff is good. Almost Mayer Hawthorne good. I'm just tellin' it like it is.

-Wörtwurst

Organic Revolution Pale Ale

2009-09-12T23:59:00.005-04:00

Organic Revolution Pale Ale
New Glarus Brewing Co.
New Glarus, Wisconsin

I'm a gettin' some mixed signals here, boy, with this old here cracka stuffa. The first jug o' this stuff was semi-swee' with an orangey flavorins and a tabackey spit of harshness in the old kisser (that's puss for ya gigglin' barn boys with yer shiftin' ways and ye smarmy ole gals widda tattooums.). This second here tin cup full is more astringent (I thinks the werd is) and the sweetness left me life like when my old sow Bessie sold off for bar-b-qing brisket. Goddamnit golly gee I miss that girl. An old man gone in the teeth ain't supposeta cry but I'm damn right broked-hearted over it, boy. They callin' taters and corn organic now aren't they? Shit don't matter if it's grown inta groun' or a bear's shit trap, an ear's an ear and a melon's an adversary to all frens and foe alike. I'm tellin' ya boy.

-Wörtwurst

Fat Squirrel Ale

2009-09-11T23:30:00.008-04:00

Fat Squirrel Ale
New Glarus Brewing Co.
New Glarus, Wisconsin

A tragedy for one is a benefit for another. So goes this life. I'm glad for my benefit of a New Glarus Sampler from my cohort Beardsley Rummel but not for the loss of a college buddy of his. Mind you, Rummel went to college for 20 years, so saying college buddy is a bit of a misnomer. Alas- his friend passed away and in returning to the great mitteny state for the funeral, he brought back these 12 new friends for his pal Wörtwurst. I know what he's really saying with this gift: don't croak on me next you fat bastard. Which is a stretch seeing as my fat bastard family generally lives beyond the life expectancy range by a good 5-10 years. Hurrah, for me, eh? Well, I do have to live long enough to see my baby girl surpass her father's various life accomplishments (which should take her until late kindergarten!).

Anyhow, this nutty brown is quite good. For some reason all of the New Glarus beers seem rather light in body to me but they all pack a surprisingly big taste. I tend to like my browns more thick and robust--something akin to a porter lite--but this gets it done as a very rich ale (and I say ale in a very generic way so don't e-mail me about the technicalities; do however e-mail me about being an asshole). The blending of 6 different hops makes up for what this one lacks in malty character. In essence: the nut gets busted and I sleep happily ever after until morning.

-Wörtwurst

Element 115 Lager

2009-09-06T23:58:00.005-04:00

Element 115 Lager
Flat Earth Brewing Co.
Saint Paul, MN

I've always wanted to go to Minnesota and the Dakotas and even though they are some of the closest states I've never been to any of them. Odd, since I've been to just about every state west and south of Michigan. Maybe I'll take a UFO over, up and beyond and make a crop circle in the hop fields of the midwest and call myself the Tan Zen Wan Hophead and drink from the St. Paulian tills of the flat earth. Better to be a starfucker than a dim bulb, right? Whatever. They call this a steam beer and the foam follows suit. Pillowy as jemima's pancakes and waffley chesticles. The taste is between a well-formed lager and a standard fare craft ale. There is a mild sweetness in the hop injection but I think that's mostly an out-of-mouth experience in the center of the brain that confuses pleasant hops and candy features. You can phone home, call your mama or whoever you feel ripe to ear-molest just don't ring my number astro-peeps because I'm five-fingering this Van Allen Belt-busting sud-pucker all the way to the Planet Smile.

-Wörtwurst

Bell's Octoberfest Beer

2009-09-04T00:45:00.005-04:00

Bell's Octoberfest Beer
Bell's Brewery
Comstock, Michigan

There's a tack on my tongue, Beelzebub, and it's your heart. Muddling up my candy trip. You baked some bread now didn't you old Scratch? You put a finger in the malt didn't ya Lucifer. You put a hand in the candy jar and left only the essence of candy but not the sugar lust. I will take your spike of hoppiness for a big ol' jack-o-lantern, Devil man. Something with a toothy grin and a place for your gonna been. You put a claw in the cookie tin didn't ya Satan man? I did too and pulled out this malty squash.

-Wörtwurst

Coors

2009-09-02T15:37:00.009-04:00

Coors
Coors Brewing Co.
Golden, Colorado

I can't say that I've been dying to try this straw-colored harlot but I can say with certainty that it's still beats Bud Light! Even if the beer is not spectacular it's better than botchulism or swine flu pudding. Listen, beer knobs, when I was a little cracker living back in the 1970s my brother started collecting beer cans. The Coors micro-cans the size of a little V-8 can were all the rage. Others had the micros as well and goddamnit Coors was just another micro itself then! Now? Well, it's a banquet beer. For old-timers and grannies who can't stand jigsaw puzzles and knitting and prefer to sit on the porch conversing with squirrels and running off the neighborhood punks from the professionally coiffed lawn and hedgerow. Yeah, you may not like Coors but buddy you better bet your ass that you like God's style and that includes, Old Style, Coors and Pabst. So quit your chuffing, huffing and puffing about your splendid beer taste because it's just fuel and your engine is going to run out in a quarter century or two and be dust. Rusted, busted and dusted. Macro that, professor Pils.

-Wörtwurst

And in case you didn't get enough of the song featured in the video:

Pure genius!

Dark Horse One Oatmeal Stout Ale

2009-09-01T00:33:00.006-04:00

Dark Horse One Oatmeal Stout Ale
Dark Horse Brewing Company
Marshall, Michigan

This is one of the best breweries in the country that hardly anybody knows about. Look at their roster of brews on even the ever fickle BA and their scorecard reads like a Tiger Woods majors card. Mostly all top notch winners. This one is a middle ranker for them despite its B+ mark. As with all of their stouts (5 different ones I believe) this one is numbered (One, Too, Tres, Fore and Plead the Fifth). Whereas 2-4 have alternate takes on the numbers this one stays straight up, missing out on the obvious aka, WON. A winner it is with its oaty and dark stout essence. Nothing out of the ordinary for a dark heavy crafter but compared to say a Guinness, this is Mr. Bones from the old-time minstrels and Guinny is just a white boy named Crackers.

-Wörtwurst

Old Milwaukee

2009-08-28T23:14:00.008-04:00

Old Milwaukee
Jos. Schlitz Brewing Company
MIlwaukee, Wisconsin

This isn't going to be a typical review. Instead it's going to be a comparison between one of the lowest ranking brews on Beer Advocate, Old Milwaukee and one of the highest, Pliny the Elder. Let's call it 11 reasons why Old Milwaukee is better than Pliny the Elder. Let's do it.

1. Pliny tastes like a hobo's dirty bung (yes, I've sampled a hobo's dirty bung)
2. Old Milwaukee comes in a masculine vessel
3. Pliny the Elder comes in a widdo wine bottle!
4. Jos. Schlitz looked like U. S. Grant
5. The real Pliny the Elder looked like Michael Gross from Family Ties
6. Pfffft...1 pint 9 oz.!
7. 40 fucking ounces of purely spun golden nectar
8. I don't have to drive 17 miles to get an O.M.
9. This guy quotes the real Pliny and drinks wine
10. This guy drinks O. M.
11. Need I say more?

-Wörtwurst

Hirter Privat Pils

2009-08-26T18:54:00.007-04:00

Hirter Privat Pils
Brauerei Hirt Gmbh
Hirt, Austria

Seeing as I didn't win the 250 million dollar lotto last night I will continue to drink $2 bottles of beer. I had told the dude at the beer store that if I won I'd be back to pick up the large selection of crafters he had but he didn't seem so amused. Seeing as he didn't carry 40 ouncers of Old Milwaukee I wasn't very amused either. So I compromised on this 840 year old recipe with the parchment paper labels, coat of arms and nifty script straight from Batavia (I totally just fabricated that though Austria may have been called that once.). The beer itself has that typical pils saccharine sweetness but milling about along with it are some yeast detritus which are tinged with caramel maltiness and a grassy knoll worth of heady but mild bitterness that kisses the sky of the roof in my mouth good night, good year, good goddamn ye all and forget me not.

-Wörtwurst

Blu Creek Zen IPA

2009-08-20T00:29:00.006-04:00

Blu Creek Zen IPA
Blu Creek Brewing Co.
Black River Falls, Wisconsin

I'm about as Zen as Charles Manson is. Maybe even less so. I don't follow the fat-bellied Buddha bastard and I mock anybody who does! Mainly because out of all the religions I find Buddhism the most fraught with cartoon cretinism. How can an obese frog of a man be your God? Shit, they don't even have any action pictures of him. He's just always sitting there like some stoned heretic trying to get his intellectual groove thing on. Okay, enough Buddhapheme for one night.

So, every Tom, Dick and Headley on Beer Advocate calls this beer an abomination to its style. Which surely means that it isn't as dreadful as they are saying it is and you, as a non-yuppy might actually enjoy it. I think both suppositions are correct here. If you want a barn-burning toe-jam hop-gasm then you came to the wrong stall, Mr. Ed. But if you want an ale with that extra little something over the macro blahsedelia then this might be just what you are looking for. What that extra in this IPA is seems indeterminable at this point. Something akin to all of the miscellaneous spices in beers which you could never put your finger quite on. Except it's in its minutest form. Sort of like picking out a purpose for every visible star. Reason and explanation won't grant them any more significance than what we've already affixed to their existence through faulty guesswork.

-Wörtwurst

Lagunitas 2009 Correction Ale

2009-08-19T01:53:00.006-04:00

Lagunitas 2009 Correction Ale
The Lagunitas Brewing Co.
Petaluma, California

Against the better thoughts and more prudent wishes of God, country and my Moobs (manboobs, dummies!) I am at the bottom 6 ounces of the dregs of this self-described "American Ale." So yeah, I got a tent-pole boner when I read on the label that "This is NOT a Double IPA. It's just a good American Ale." Which got me to thinking that this wasn't going to be a hop, spit and drivel review but alas it must be! It isn't a Double IPA but it certainly is an IPA and that just makes me think of two guys with big bushy mustaches who are kissing and I must recoil from that ideal itself with abject horror. Listen, I don't care if you are gay or like to drink IPAs just don't go telling me that I am your momma because I can't wrap my tongue around the rind of a recompensatorial citrus bomb. Hops, smops this is citrus with a VD attack. Malt; sure, barley, water, etc; uh huh. Greatness? No. Goodness? Nix. Try again and make it taste like an old-fashioned frothingslosher? I wish ye would.

-Wörtwurst

Orange You Glad You Had a Blue Moon?

2009-08-11T11:57:00.007-04:00

I'm sure that most of you have probably already seen these adverts floating around the internet. They want you to take a snapshot of a Blue Moon garnished with an orange. Why? I guess it's going to become their next art for a future advert? I have no clue really what they plan to do with it but if you're inclined you may want to participate. I'm not sure that you'll be garnishing any beer with an orange though. Haha. Maybe a hand grenade but an orange? C'mon beer Nazis let your indignation be heard! Maybe you can have a beer with ~~Obama~~ Barry Soetoro too.

- Wörtwurst

PS...why am I still signing these posts when Trüb has never once posted and likely never will!?!?!?!

Keweenaw Pickaxe Blonde Ale

2009-08-11T08:45:00.007-04:00

Keweenaw Pickaxe Blonde Ale
Keweenaw Brewing Co.
Houghton, Michigan

Whether you're at a pig roast, a sock hop or an electric company pic-a-nic you expect that you're going to drink canned pop and kegged beer. Well, maybe not, but at most backyard jamborees you're going to be sucking foamy suds from a plastic red cup which has been pissed in by a keg tap that has been tapped more times than your baby mama's ass. Having been to a scant few I can attest to the fact that all kegs are filled with the same generic beer to match the nondescript silver casing. Seriously, I've had several variations on the same theme of keg beer and it all tasted exactly the same. Big deal for the uninitiated but a more than trite concern for a meatball eating, ham-hocking aficionado such as myself and Steve the Jackson of Pollocks. Having fed him some of my stock of Jolly Pumpkin, Dark Horse Tres and various other fine fare at previous Pigstocks he came through with this lovely can of sweet heat. Which is ironic enough since I held up a can of this stuff to the trembling light of reality just a week or so ago and passed on it because at the moment I was convinced that the can would cheat me out of a precious few ounces of the sweet nectar. How wrong I was! Especially now that I am flashing-back to Leelanau's White Ale in the wine type bottles with a whale gracing its label that (has nothing to do with Michigan) was or is being brewed by the Jolly Pumpkin maestro Ron Jeffries. It all makes sense why this stuff tastes like a blonde ale with sugar-coated spice drop valves which open and pump in candy geysers at intervals of 10 & 12 and a miniature hammer that bangs out the beta Can-Can on your uvula while you sing its praise. And "all which isn't singing is mere talking and all talking's talking to oneself" sayeth the poet. Now, if only we could get somebody to put bromides into a roll-tap flat can and call it secondary meat then we'd be on to something.

- Wörtwurst

PS...actually this doesn't make sense at all as I have mixed up brewing companies. Oh well. It's still a good beer nonetheless!

Detroit Dwarf Nain Rouge Lager

2009-08-05T23:11:00.009-04:00

Detroit Dwarf Nain Rouge Lager
Detroit Brewing Co.
Detroit, Michigan

Well, it's happened, while at the zoo and mimicking the Rhinocerous Hornbill's boisterous caw in answer, my soon-to-be 2 year old clone daughter said to me matter-of-factly as she gently placed her hand over my mouth from her perch upon my sweaty shoulders, "Shut up, duddy." "What?" I thought, before it dawned on me that her wrongly acquired phrase placed her way above most of the humans I have ever known. She didn't say it in anger or spite but because I was making a fool of myself like I do most of my life. As I do here with my twice weekly beer review parodies. I would have hugged her with joy if it weren't for the negative connotations of the statement.

So too does the Detroit Dwarf conjure up nefarious images. If you don't know the story and most sane people don't, go here if you feel inclined. As for the beer, it's not quite a red and BA designates it as a Keller Bier/Zwickel Bier and by definition this is dead nuts. A muddy, rusty, estery and hopped beer that melds together to form something of a winter cooler but with a dark red edge. As with the Buckbean Tule Duck Red Ale, this one has a cinnamon essence from the hop/yeast amalgamation and that sets it apart from the standard fare overtly-malted reds. The bottle art doesn't titilate me very much but the innards certainly turn my red cage to shaking jello. Just like my genetic off-shoot does but without the tremulous heart shaking.

PS...just in case it isn't clear: this is slobbering good stuffs.

- Wörtwurst

How Did I Get on USA Today's Website? + CAPS

2009-07-30T01:54:00.005-04:00

I just saw this on the Buckbean Twitter log and laughed like hell. I see that they link to the beerinator feed but man, you'd think that somebody would monitor that thing and keep it to serious blogging endeavors. Oh well. Here's some serious for you:

BEER CAPS (AN UPDATE)

I kind of miss the huge chunk I traded for a package of beer but they are only caps!

And no...I didn't drink a Bud Blight or a Coors Light, I found the caps while metal detecting. But I do plan on finally trying a Coors. I'll have to find a 40 ouncer somewhere because I'm not buying a six of that crap.

Atwater Block Cherry Stout

2009-07-30T00:17:00.006-04:00

Atwater Block Cherry Stout
Atwater Block Brewery
Detroit, Michigan

There's not many cherry stouts around or outside of Michigan and this might be a good thing for the local brewers here and the cherry industry in the state as well. This way it stays a novelty of sorts and beer geeks will flock to it and the small breweries will survive. Outside of that...well it's cherry! I lost my cherry both physically and beerically in this state so it makes sense that I should write glowingly of the little round pitted fruit. Whereas the Bell's Cherry Stout is excessively priced but f-ing brilliant this one was of moderate cost and on par with that regional and seasonal giant. The Bell's CS is a Dr. Jekyll of alternating tastes and sweeps from deep dark chocolate to sour mash barrel scraping cherry pieness. This CS melds sweet with chocofee and tosses a slightly piercing sourness into the miasma of flavors which is a little strange but pleasing nonetheless. I'd have to say that this is more on par with a porter both in body density and flavoring as it has an overriding smokiness but without the cumulus maltiness most full-body and imperial stouts have. This one diddles you quite well but doesn't make you scream out "Ohhhh Stouty" by any stretch of the imagination.

- Wörtwurst

Coal Stokers Blackberry Ale

2009-07-26T20:31:00.005-04:00

Coal Stokers Blackberry Ale
Mt. Pleasant Brewing Co.
Mt. Pleasant, Michigan

Not to be confused with Bram Stoker's Dracula or the Stroker's Club of Clarkston, GA this is exactly what it purports to be: a blackberry ale. Of course, just like you, when I saw it on the shelf I thought to myself, "Oh God, tea time with Toodles". But it turns out to not be such a dainty wine breezer after all. The one thing that separates it from other too-sweet fruit beers is a roastiness in the tail-end that offsets the syrupy sweet blackberry with a malty rye bread feel. There is also an alcohol essence as well which predominates in tandem with the roastiness in the aftertaste. Kind of like choco-chips in your blueberry pancakes after a long night of drinking. Something I know nothing about and you most surely do, you booze hounds. Aye?

- Wörtwurst

Grassroots Ale

2009-07-23T11:43:00.006-04:00

Grassroots Ale
Great Lakes Brewing Co.
Cleveland, Ohio

Just as Rome wasn't built in a day, Atlantis wasn't lost in one either. It took years for the sasquacthes to dig and remove the dirt and fill in the holes with gigantic buckets of sea water until the land was gone and water was the ceiling and floor of the great lost civilization. Then the sasquatches evolved into humans and monkies and the world as we know it evolved with it. The problem for those esoteric owl-loving Illuminatists was/is that a few yeti survived the transformation and have passed their all-seeing knowledge onto the enlightened ones. To everything there is a season or a saison. The seasons of the witch, the jolly elf and renewal have passed us once more and we are left with the summer solstice. The perfect time for the blonde favorites to be cracked open and imbibed. This saison, much like the New Holland Golden cap is fortified with summery spices, wheat and a thin lacing of waferesque malts. Light but not lager light and certainly not as cheaply bitter. A hefeweizen on a diet and a date with a summer shandy in a shanty that's too hot to bear inside under a tin roof.

- Wörtwurst

Golden Cap Saison Ale

2009-07-21T00:11:00.006-04:00

Golden Cap Saison Ale
New Holland Brewing Co.
Holland, MI

I sometimes get quips and comments about the rapidity of my beer pours despite the fact that I have stated that my old camera only had 30 seconds to pour. Etc etc. Well, that's fine and f-ing dandy by me but when somebody comments that the difference between a good and a so-so Shiner Hefe is the pour, then you can get right down there and kiss these nuts! So, for the Shiner loving prick, I poured this beer as slowly as possible and even set the bottle down in slow motion just in case the karmic beer Gods were watching from overhead and are apt to getting a tear in their beer from my transgressions.

New Holland Brewing Co., for of those not in the know, is Michigan's second largest brewer behind the famed Bell's and with good reason: they are spectacular. In fact, a few of their beers are on my favorites list, including The Poet and Red Tulip Ale. Golden Cap is their version of a saison and it mostly hits the mark dead on. The only complaint could be that it is a tad bit lighter in the malt profile than one might prefer, myself included. The spices are all there though. So are alternating essences of candy sweet and a sour tartness which pronounce its Belgian qualities but doesn't overlook its Americanized pale ale tendencies. More a session ale than a specialized seasonal but to complain about that difference is kind of like calling a Shiner Hefe a great beer if only it is poured just right and drunk right after licking a rabbit's gonads. Pffft!

- Wörtwurst